There's a girl I know.
She's young and beautiful and just barely over 16. And she likes to smile and laugh with her friends who smile too and are beautiful and barely over 16. And with these friends she likes to play and goof around because they are young and beautiful and barely over 16, and that's what kids do. She loves to sing and dance, and write and read and draw, and ride. And she loves horses, and puppies, and kittens and all God's other creatures, every day of those beautiful 16 years, just as any normal girl does.
There is a girl I know.
Who grew up a normal child, with a mother and father who loved her, and took care of her the frequent times she was ill and injured. Who took her to church and dressed her in bright colours and had the most beautiful smile for she was young and knew nothing of heartache. And she had a brother who she took care of, and two puppies too and everything was wonderful.
There is a girl I know.
That at the budding age of 6 was experimenting with her gender, and could not understand why her father and her brother could play outside with their shirts off and she could not. Who wanted to play rough like the boys and not be left behind, for all her companions were male and mommy and daddy were never around but was too fragile to keep up. But grew up and left this part of her behind because it wasn't okay in the eyes of others.
There is a girl I know.
She was friends with a boy once, when she was younger and barely 10 years old. And this boy said to her, "can I borrow a pencil", and although she was afraid of him she said yes, and started to talk. And they talked for hours. They talked for days, and her fears began to ease and she opened up a little and they became friends. And they became boyfriend and girlfriend, even through she was not sure. And that love and deep understanding was rooted and grew for five years of doubt and neglect and fear on that little girl's part. For she feared that he would leave her if the slightest thing went wrong, and she believed that he was all she had. And Ironically it seemed he had left several times before. Until he finally left forever.
There is a girl I know.
She was heartbroken and lost. She thought she had no one when a thousand hands where there to guide her on a thousand different paths but could only see one, and she chose it without asking. And she met a girl who nutured her and loved her without limit no matter how broken she believed she was. And this girl helped her stand when she thought she couldn't. Told her she was the best even when she fell down or couldn't participate. Who got her in trouble, because she was in love with her -- and it was a sin. And all the times they were almost forced apart they drew closer together and the girl she loved promised her forever and all her dreams come true. Something this little girl needed more than breath itself.
There is a girl I know.
Who was in love with another girl, and pledged their lives for each other. But the other girl had found a boy that she couldn't deny herself. And even though this girl I know knew it deep in her heart, she held on to her lover, believing that forever actually meant something, and she could make herself good enough for that lover to stay. One night the world fell down, and her lover left her forever, and she tried to end it all right then and there. But someone called the police and a councilor who only made things worse. She managed to stay alive and instead of holding onto just the one hand she could see she grabbed at twenty and had them each carry a bit of her heart of lead - the whole burden was too much for any one to bare.
There is a girl I know.
Who had feelings for a boy, that she knew only barely and through a friend. And once when she looked at this boy, even through men had hurt her and dominated her all her life and she feared them, she had wanted to kiss him. But she was afraid and so she stayed silent and never looked at him again.
There is a girl I know.
Who believes that her parents are not her own, and would do anything to get away from her father's screaming and her mother's religious conversion tactics. Because she cannot be perfect and she cannot believe in God full heartedly because he condemns the only kind of love she's ever really felt. She wants to runaway from those who damn her.
There is a girl I know.
Who obtained that which she felt she had no right, but wanted so much. Someone had thrown it out and she snatched it up before anyone else. And she held the most beautiful person's heart she had ever known.
There is a girl I know.
Who is confused. Who wants to dress and act like a man, but wants to be a girl at the same time. Who admires men, but fears them. Who is attracted to women in an undeniable way and feels no shame about it. And is in love with a transgender man, soon to be a transexual woman, and doesn't know whether she is still a lesbian or now bisexual.
There is a girl I know.
She is in love with a boy who is not a boy, a girl who is not a girl, a kelidoscope image that is so bizzarely beautiful it takes her breath away. Who hold here just the way she needs to be held. Who nutrures her but pushes her out of the nest. Who weaves dreams that she could achive on her own, but will help her to obtain. And who kisses her in the most sincere way. And she longs to be with her darling every moment of everyday but the seperation doesn't pain her like it used to. And no matter how many times she says it, "I love you" is not enough.
There are many girls I know.
And all of them are part of a girl I know.
And that girl,
Is me.
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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wow i love it so much
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"and she cannot believe in God full heartedly because he condemns the only kind of love she's ever really felt."
That's my favorite part.
This was amazing, I loved it =]
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Woah
That was extremely awesome and had me gripped from beginning to end. Everything seems so perfect about that.
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I hate long poem.s
But I loved this. I love this, I really do. this had me excited to keep reading till the last line...
Is me.
I understand some of these feelings. i love this. i loved it.
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wow
That was really actually quite beautiful! I normally can't read longer poems, as I just get bored! But this really had me hooked! It's so vunerable and honest, it was an absolute pleasure to read! Well Done!!
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Amazing
This was really great. Everything about it is perfect. The repetition, the detail... I've never read anything like this. I don't have anything constructive to say, so, sorry for that. Parts of it reminded me of me, or of people I know. I've never seen this kind of style.
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cooooooooooooool..........frankly i hate hate hate reading poems that are like more than 40 lines.....
but this one i just couldnt stop reading further and further till the end.......
its nicely penned down and i agree that it isnt abt who or what you are its just the feelings that we have no control of.......i beleive in live and let live........
good work
"She thought she had no one when a thousand hands where there to guide her on a thousand different paths but could only see one"
this reallly went thru my heart.......absolutely correct
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Wow! This is absolutly amazing! I can't believe in god either because he condemns homosexualitly. I believe that it doesn't matter what sex a person is, as long as it's about love, then who cares. This is such a phenominal write. This blew me away it really did. I'm sorry about your losses, and how things are for you. I grew up surrounded by men as well, and I just wanted to be one of the guys. I had three brothers and no sisters. I would have given the world to fit in with them.
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This is a powerful and quite vunerable write of sharing self in a depth that I have rarely seen. So many mixed signals and and inconsisties of life can really distort ones mindset. Love can be so complex when it should be so simple. Interesting and complex write!
Dennis
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Smilies.
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Wow. Wow. In the beginning, I didn't like this. I thought the repeition of 16 was overdone, and I thought that this would just be some superficial whining thing.
It was anything but. This captivated me. It is so well expressed, so stunning. The experiences and feelings are captured beautifully. I was absolutely held to the screen, and somehow, deeply moved.
This line is pure genius:
She is in love with a boy who is not a boy, a girl who is not a girl, a kelidoscope image that is so bizzarely beautiful it takes her breath away
This is so human and so honest and so beautifully expressed that it takes my breath away.
It's hard for me to critique something so hearfelt, but I would suggest rewriting the first paragraph. I'm not sure how, but it needs to be a better lead in, and I still think the repetition of the sixteen doesn't work, though the repetition of "There's a girl I know" is great. I'd rework the beginning.
But this is stunning. Really. And I can tell from this poem that you are a truly beautiful human being. I wish you and your loved one nothing but happiness. And though I'm not lesbian or transgendered I can relate to the religious confusion, and I hope we can both find peace with God, assuming he/she exists.
Keep writing. -
Such a wonderfull, deep, stunning piece of work. I love it and enjoyed every word of it. The ending is very powerful. And you're a strong girl. Admitting these things are not that easy for some people. But you did it. Great job. Wish you all the best.
Keep writing
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Powerful!
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You don't need to know yet. I don't know yet. Bisexual? Lesbian? Who the hell knows... I love mens stuff, but at the same time, I have this femininity I can't shake off. I like to think of it as a hybrid between the two... and honey, we can be whoever the hell we like, because - as you've proven with this - we're still talented, sensitive, beautiful humans. Even if we're depressed. Even if we're confused. That's us.
Thanks for this, by the way. It's always nice to know you're not alone.
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wow
this was extremely well written and i abolutely love it. you make it so easy for the reader to understand you completely and the imagery (sp?) is just completely beautiful! this is amazing work and i hope you keep it up! xD
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i really liked this piece. i was reading it and kept thinking, wow thats so like me. i have been all of these things at one time or another but now im just happily and bisexually me. brilliantly penned and thanks for sharing with us.
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oh! so lovely...
this is truly a gem my dear. i wish you the best and hope you keep writing... -
Wow. This is an amazing story.
I loved the ending where you put:
And that girl,
is me.
Great write!
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