I have searched but come up emtpy
I have looked but never found
I am finding more and more
There's only so much in to drown.
I flip the pages and search the skies
I scour the earth and bleed it dry
I tempt the shadows with words too sweet
yet still there is concrete 'neath my feet.
I climb the mountains and swim the vales
I lower my gaze and walk the ground
I watch the sun and wait for moon
but still am left with none too soon.
I crawl the spaces near and far
I hold the keys and lock the gates
I tie the curtains back a pace
and still have found no better fate.
I rage and rage for light to die
and me to wind up with a sword
but the fates are weaving wide my tie
and will not let me find my chord.
Author notes
This piece is dedicated to a fruitless search and a hopeless desire of mine for much more than this. Therefore I skewed the rhyme scheme a bit in order to accentuate the searching, never finding, never resting... never staying for long. I switch it up and screw it up just slightly. Things in life I find, are slightly off, and this poem has MUCH to do with my life in particular, so the rhyme is slightly off. I am always searching, never finding, never resting... so neither does the rhyme scheme make its decision on what to be.
I don't know, just some backward thinking.
Written December 4th, 2003
In a list
A contest entry
- What the hell is it worth? by MissHapps.
500 points, ended February 25, 2004, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Thank you for your entry. This is a great addition, especially with the inclusion of an authors comment...Kinda funny the admitting you liked the scheme off a bit then get the , hears how you fix that thing. Was it for a class, or???
I'm including entries here in a project I have in motion, and would like to hereby request your permission to use this poem, with full recognition to FallenToCinders or any name you prefer, of course? -
reminded me of "I was hungry and you did not feed me, I was naked and you did not clothe me." good job, not over worked or over written. the very last stanza brought to mind the poem "do not go gentle into that good night"....though i have not idea why
by the way, thanks for the 'entry' in the limmerick contest
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donkey breath ambition tales. i like the pome
yes, into darkness. like when stars crack and bleed and fall to earth. loved the structure, as structure is something i'm not all that familiar with (i mean in my own writing) must disagree with one of the above comments, questioning the rhyme scheme. it works well i think. well well well. well done
-fiddily nietzsche- -
"find my chord" (ahhhhhh yes)
you are talented and lush in your words, but more (oh so much more) importantly, you are generous with them.
have sweet dreams, little cinders.
p.s. have you read "the rose and the beast" by Francesca Lia Block? if not, please, oh please, do.
i wish i could give you presents. -
Excellent Piece
This was really nicely written, I do like the flow of it all, thanks for sharing, and please, keep up the great works here!
Excellent Piece! ~Smiles~
-Timothy -
I love the imagery to this poem friend, and I do like the rhyme scheme, it makes you think and concentrate to follow it.
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Love the imagery! Here's one thing I noticed on your rhyme scheme-- on some of the verses, you're making them:
I have searched but come up emtpy A
I have looked but never found B
I am finding more and more C
There's only so much in to drown. B
with the rhyme, but on other verses, you're making them
I flip the pages and search the skies A
I scour the earth and bleed it dry B
I tempt the shadows with words too sweet C
yet still there is concrete 'neath my feet. C
I think it would be more effective to make it all ABCB, and arrange it like this:
I climb the mountains and swim the vales
I watch the sun and wait for moon
I lower my gaze and walk the ground
but still am left with none too soon.
and again with the other one, maybe make it:
I flip the pages and search the skies
I tempt the shadows with words too sweet
I scour the earth and bleed it dry
yet still there is concrete 'neath my feet.
Lastly, on a few of them you're actually doing:
I rage and rage for light to die A
and me to wind up with a sword B
but the fates are weaving wide my tie A
and will not let me find my chord. B
which has a smoother feel to it, and it's a little harder to lose yourself in the cadence when some of them rhyme all the way, and some don't. I think it's a very neat piece, which is why I thought I'd take the time to tell you all that. -Whew- ok, I'm done!
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