She sighs into the acrylics of the sky,
satin fingers of the white maiden,
faltering over my sketch;
just paint dripped over starry hues
as a dream-strung harp,
being played by a morning child.
Ah, oyster-pink are her limbs,
just a constellation away,
those rosey-hues of blushing cheeks
paling in simple beauty.
There is mysticity in her palm,
which I tried to read but failed,
it seemed she was just a myth
beginning and ending with false sense.
She is punctured into the midnight blue,
a thistle doll in luminscence
and at dawn and dusk our lips meet:
a swirl of champion-gold and silver,
and for the rest of my part,
I lie chiding in ecstacy.
'Pon the year's merry summer end,
she eclipses me with tidings grave,
and the yew branches have turned yellow,
just as her melody:
and she is, as she always was,
a speechless portrait in the sky,
just a mirror of today's autumn.
Author notes
Asfand.
Some lines.
Personification.
[I am talking about the moon. Yep.]
[I still don't get personification but this is what I've come up with. I don't know if we're suppose to say what we are talking about. But tenthousandcicades column said we dopn't have to. It said the best kind of personification is when you don't realise whether its a moon or a woman.]
A contest entry
- Teen Idol 7: Round 8 [Top 7] by Tangled Angle.
300 points, ended March 22, 2008, 7 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Teen Idol 7: Round 11 [Top 3 - Finals] Part 2/5 by Tangled Angle.
650 points, ended May 2, 2008, 3 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Criticism Is Very Much Welcomed -- I Am Here To Learn
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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this is beautiful...i mean totally beautifulx)....i really loved this poem!!...every word of tis poem was just so mesmerizing, deep and just wowwww x)
p.s you're just so a m a z i n G! xD
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Love this stanza:
'and she is, as she always was,
a speechless portrait in the sky,
just a mirror of today's autumn'.
the feeling and language plus the flow = exceptional,
and the second stanza is very wonderful
Thanks for sharing young man.
HENSLEY
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Blew me away - that ending -
'a speechless portrait in the sky,
just a mirror of today's autumn.'
- was a mesmerizing summary of the phrasing prior.
This was calm, fluent and shedding such light forth from not only a beautiful topic but a beautiful poem. You enriched the prompt and gave a lot of breath to something not so familiar to yourself.
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Your score: 99.0
highest score yet out of the entire competition, from me at least. Perhaps out of everyone. -
You amaze me, because you don't really understand the concept of personification, but you do it all the time in your poetry with extended metaphor; and this time is no different. I love how detailed you went with this. I don't really know if I could have personified the moon even half this good. Tying the tide theme together was perfect. This is more than what I was looking for. Excellent.
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See. SEE???!?!?
Told you!!!
I love what you wrote...all apart from the third stanza, which to me wasn't quite up to the impressive standard of the rest of them
Good luck
In fact, NO, NO good luck, *takes it back*, you don't need it!!!
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