Symbols of love rooted in place. Speechless,
unable to offer the affection they carry inside.
Cursed by earth to stare
from afar, to dance with grasses and pray
the one they yearn for
is watching.
Fingertips of wind caress petals,
with just one touch--
allergens carried to the surface
sliding down depths, embraced.
The urge to reproduce is satisfied,
while loneliness buds within interiors.
Cut from their homes, uprooted
by hands of metal; placed in a glass
finally with those they love. Not knowing
they had been brought to die:
denied soil, nutrition-- smothered
by alien noses.
Left in a family tomb, withering on parade.
Author notes
Ah.Sosha.
personification challenge
I found it ironic that what people find so romantic never get to experience romance, so I figured I'd write about it.
I don't know if I like it so much. I tried to keep it short. Suggestions welcome. Enjoy
A contest entry
- Teen Idol 7: Round 8 [Top 7] by Tangled Angle.
300 points, ended March 22, 2008, 7 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
-
You took this to a needed place to pull of past reputations. I liked the originality you brought to this piece - the phrasing and creative topic. The ending was perfect - it hit the poems soft and hard spot while still leaving the reader mesmerized within this piece.
I think you shone through choice of topic and in previous rounds, although you really had a nice style - the topic always brought it down.
Suggestions, next time perhaps use a more easy on the eyes background. I think this actually made my stomach turn, or .. no I might keep that one to myself
-
Your score: 98.4
-
-
omg that is the highest score i have ever seen *rubs eyes* is it really there?
-
-
Wow, this was very...poignant. Kind of haunting. Especially the ending.
Interesting choice of background. I like it though; it makes the poem even more ironic, because I was expecting a cheery poem; but it wasn't. lol
Backgrounds don't matter though, but thought I'd just say. :]
I believe this is your best poem...by far in the contest. I've read it 5 times, and I wouldn't change anything. Little things, if anything; but not worth changing.
You controlled the flow, the message, and the ideas very well. Probably the most precisely written poem for you, and so far, out of the 4 entries I've read.
I will be shocked if you are eliminated this round. If eliminated, it would be because of poems written in the past. But you have improved...a huge improvement in this round. I mean, this is how you should write all the time [what you have written before is great, but I have to say this is...different, but in an awesome way]; you still have that your creative spark, but this was very well written, concise, and there weren't any unnecessary places.
Sosha is back!
-
-
Heck YEA!! *dances*
*high fives*
-
-
Holy cow. This is breathtakingly horrificly beautiful. This is a unique topic, and I like your word choice.
Totally better than mine.
Good luck in the contest!
~Cassie
-
-
Eek! Thanks, I am glad that you like it.
I knew I have the habit of being a bit 'wordy' so I tried something a little different.
♥'s
Sosha -
-
I really think it's great. I noticed your title at first and I was like "eh, could've been better", but now that I've read the poem, it made more sence.
-
-
I usually hate writing about love stuff... but this just made sense to me. I thought about changing the title to something about irony, but I just thought that title fit the poem.
-
-
Yeah, it really does.
Have I told you that I like this already?
And, gaaah, I just posted mine, and it sucks so bad.
-
-
-
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 11 of 11
