Teacher-student relationships (contest entry, not a poem)

Student-teacher relationships that go beyond friendship seem rather controversial. There are more points of view on them, which mostly come from the differences between cultures, and yet even in the middle of a certain society some voices will go against what most consider as the norm.
In Romania, my country, such relationships are forbidden by the law, although I am mainly speaking of sexual behavior, since other aspects of one’s intimate life are more obscure and thus harder to detect/put into the context of a law.
However, I do not intend to discuss this issue from the legal point of view here, but rather question and give an opinion on it from a moral perspective, because not only do I find law to be fallible in too many ways, but it also is generally based on what most deem moral. Here are some questions on this matter that I would like to address:


What are your views about such relationships?

These relationships, as any other human relationships, cannot be categorized and defined as good, bad, or even neutral. I do believe pedophilia is a bad thing and children are not to be violated, influenced, and talked into doing things they do not comprehend, nor could I ever agree with the idea of a teacher/professor having the right to lure a reluctant student into a relationship that will only give the person in authority any satisfaction. Power should not be abused this way, but where can we draw the line? How can we even demand that such things be strictly controlled when there is such a fine line as seen from the outside? Love is a vital element in this equation and, unfortunately, it is not something anyone else can really measure accurately except for the two partners. One thing is sure, though – true love, no matter for whom, will never intentionally cause any harm to the person it is directed at. Someone who loves another will never use school grades or report cards or degrees to blackmail another who does not feel interested or comfortable with the idea. Therefore, my view on student-teacher relationships is the same as my view on any kinds of relationships: when there is love, respect, and trust, everything will somehow work out, even if the relationship does not last or even exist to begin with, for one reason or another. On the other hand, abuse cannot be tolerated.


Do you support or are you against this idea?

I support the idea of any two people who love each other having a relationship and also the idea of anyone who cares deeply for someone else manifesting their feelings, especially in ways that could benefit the other person, as long as the latter does not show discomfort at such behavior. On another note, I am against the concept of restrictive relationships imposed by authority figures on people who depend on them (for example, to pass the school year).


What is your perspective from the culture and society's point of view? Why do you feel that some may not accept it?

I think the reason why many do not accept student-teacher relationships is the existence of such a fine line between love and abuse in this particular circumstance. Also, one must consider how overused and how rarely meant the word ”love” is nowadays... The world has grown so skeptical since the evolution of politics and technology, that feelings and altruism are regarded as more and more of an outdated myth, while the use of social status in order to obtain (in this case, sexual) benefits is undeniably a pregnant issue nowadays.


Is someone at fault here? Is someone to blame?

Is someone at fault for the fact that sometimes students fall in love with their teachers or vice versa? Why, of course, we must have a scapegoat in every situation – blame pheromones! Immaturity! Mental illness! Lack of education or self-respect! One could go on and on. It is just so much easier than admitting that no one is ”at fault”. Love is a beautiful thing which can help people grow in ways unimaginable to those who avoid walking their own path. Still, as mentioned above, in many cases when there is sexual attraction between a teacher/professor and their student, abuse of power is a serious issue, which is why many are rather skeptical. On the other hand, many people who care about whether this is right or wrong have a hard time giving up traditional values and ways of thinking, such as the idea of such relationships being ”wrong”.


Can you give me the point-of-view of the teacher/student who is in love with the other? What goes on in their mind?

Well, I think that anyone who is truly ”in love” is just that – a person who likes and cares for another. I have had only one such experience – I used to be in love with someone who was my school teacher for a while, so I will talk about that instead of making generalized assumptions. Before that I had had crushes on three or four teachers, so I knew the difference. Also, this was years ago and I am no longer in love with him, so it is my hope that I will be objective enough. What was going on in my mind at the time is that I thought him a different person whom I liked and respected and for whom, with time, I developed a special kind of caring that, among other things, rendered me anxious to share time with him and made me literally ache when he was sad. Speaking only from the point of view of a student with feelings for her teacher, I would say that I mostly saw him as a human being, and a nice one at that, who did not return my love but did change my life. This is one of the main reasons why I believe such affective reactions to someone can be genuine, even though the two people’s difference of status may prevent them from having a relationship. As for crushes on teachers, having experienced those too, I can say that, although rather powerful emotions, they tend to just come and go.


What do you feel are the reactions of the other students and teachers if/when they find out?

Once again, I feel reluctant to generalize. Other students’ and teachers’ reactions depend on their own experiences. In my country, I am inclined to think the peers’ response would be negative, particularly due to the way such situations are portrayed by our society.


What would you do if you found out YOUR friend, or your BEST friend were in a situation like this? Would you "disown" him/her or would you accept them?

I would consider myself too much of a hypocrite and an unfaithful friend if I ”disowned” them for such a thing. I would accept and possibly try to help them in the way that would seem optimal for the particular circumstances and I think this is what a good friend should do, regardless of their stance on the matter.