Sitting on the couch, I can listen to her screaming easily enough from here
Words boil over off a black putrid tongue, prettily laced with fear
Intervention - they whisper
Trying, in vain to soothe her,
Trapped I am sitting here on the couch, the plaid couch with a dozen colors - all distracting
Not showing a trace of emotion, not reacting
As she spits in our Mother's face, claws at my Brother's arm
They will get her to the car, regardless of any emotional harm
She drags her feet along the floor
And her eyes flick up to me - pleading - I turn my own away, I can't breath anymore
I am the traitor, the two-faced-black-hearted-lost-and-fading betrayer
Who am I to judge? Who am I to stop it? Who am I? I was her.
Author notes
Contest entry - inspired by many things none of which are nice.
A contest entry
- Addiction by pinkink.
850 points, ended March 19, 2008, 8 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrite only by kitty23.
470 points, ended June 6, 2008, 68 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
So take me there - what'd u think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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congratulations on the gold and thank you for the entry.
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ohhh, that made my heart churn.. i cant even begin to how that can describe me and my fave parts are non existant i love it all.. its brillian spliting at the seams with emotions
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Thank you for the nice comment
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we all could have been her at one time it is the draw of the cards which road we take ... sometimes it is not who we were growing up but who we make ourselves. great write absolutely the best write on this I have seen.
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AIGHT!
I love your rhyme schemes, you never cease to rhyme and impress me with your poetry!
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liked the ending...wasnt expecting that. congrats on the gold
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Isn't poetry always what you think? If it was not... what would you be writing?
Ooo... I really like this poem... It's very interesting.. I love how you wrote it.. thick lines.. you really used them well... Nice flow, wonderfully horrid
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Horrible and beautiful. I can see why this won a gold. This was perfectly done and is so powerful.
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Well written, felt my breath tighten too- like i was in the room! Powerful!
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wow this is so short but so powerful.it almost made me cry.this situation is so sad and painful and you the way you wrote it made me feel how you were feeling at that moment.soooo good this is the stuff i love.the gold is well deserved.
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wow..this was deep i used 2 feel this way 2 b/c i did a lot of dum things in my past n went against my parents words like alot n i lied a lot..i have a poem similiar 2 this..its funny how i read others poems n i can c myself in it..u were very descriptive also...gud job =)
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Wow I could feel the tension coming off of this poem like no other. WOW and WOAH. Very nicely written. Keep up the great job.
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this is very good, the line formatting adds to the tension in the piece. there's a bunch of good images in here, and i'm out of time at work to comment on all of them, congrats!
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You won the Gold!
Thanks for an excellent entry in my contest, and congrats on the GOLD! Keep writing.
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WOW! This was so powerful. I did not expect the ending. This was riddled with stunning images. Thanks for sharing!
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Excellent write
Your poem made a movie in my mind, it is very descriptive and I can feel the inner struggle here.
In the last stanza, you might want to look at the second Who am I... I think you forgot the "I" in there.
Beautiful write. -
Oh my!!!!
This is gut wrenchingly strong. Hard to call it beautiful but it certainly brings emotions to the surface. I like it.
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