Hold me.
Hold me tighter than you've ever held another.
And maybe all the truths we've told
Won't find time to recover.
And maybe all the time that's passed
Can finally
Be smothered.
And kiss me (like you did)
Until the aching goes away.
'Til our hungry lips
Can finally
Be silenced for the day
And at the end of it we'll say
That it's always been this way.
Oh, I need you so much closer
That I'll keep the world at bay.
And reminisce that time
That we thought we'd closed our book,
When we thought we'd lost our nook,
When we thought we'd slammed the door
On our newly found outlook.
Aren't you glad that's all it took?
That you held me as we shook?
So love me (like you did)
And I'll promise not to boast.
I'll swear to love you back
And I'll try to make the most
When I wake up,
And you're gone,
And you're on the other coast.
When I wake up,
And you're gone,
And I'm stuck here with your ghost.
Author notes
Wrote this yesterday.
It's an Anne one.
I just want to know she hears me.
A contest entry
- What Do You Want? by violetrose.
630 points, ended May 15, 2008, 37 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Let Me Know
Comments
1 - 29 of 29
-
This is beautiful. The rhythm is exceptional and the images are really great. I love your use of parentheses, too, and the rhymes never feel forced. Bravo.
-
strong
love the illustration
-
Powerful...Full of emotion and passion. I'm sure if you can recite it to the person who inspired these beautiful words, they'd be happy. Thanks for sharing such a beautiful piece of work...Shalom
-
Kudos
"Hold me.
Hold me tighter than you've ever held another.
And maybe all the truths we've told
Won't find time to recover...
...And kiss me (like you did)
Until the aching goes away.
'Til our hungry lips
Can finally
Be silenced for the day...
...When I wake up,
And you're gone,
And I'm stuck here with your ghost."
I know exactlly what you are talking about, very nicely written Ms. 'moon.
Eyec
-
"And maybe all the time that's passed
Can finally
Be smothered."
SOOO reminds me of chicago
xDDD
but i can so relate to this whole thing
great write mia
your amazing .. dont stop writing
cause it'd be a crime xD
love ya
-
Nice job on this. There were a few awkward phrases here and there, but the overall effect was very good. I like the line about being on the "other coast". You also pull of the rhyme a lot better than most.
Good work,
Blaqk <3
-
yay!
this flowed very well, and it set a mood, good job =]
-
Good job with this. I'm very cautious of all rhyming, because it tends to be bad and feel strained, but this definitely wasn't pushed. It flowed wonderfully and managed to be original enough to make some of the occasional cliches work and not be overly cheesey. Good work.
-
Though I have never really talked to you, you have become one of my favorite writers on this site, there are only two other writers on here that really capture my attention in every poem they write; so for that kudos and yet again with this poem. Awsome Job!
-
i like this! it flows with such ease adn its just overall a great poem. it says so much! great job!
-
Wow, this is a fantastic piece, I especially loved the ending the whole poem was dripping with emotion and sensitivity. It's true love can hurt, but when you find the one you will be in heaven. Hope to talk sometime and keep up the wonderful work my friend xxxx
-
goddamn, you're so talented. i can't even find the right words to discribe how amazing this is. the ending was fantazmic. oh my god. this poem was breath-taking.
<3julia
-
this is beautiful it flows together wonderfully and it painted such a heartfelt vision. Great job...
-
awesome! I really like this it has great flow!
-
this is spectacularness in itself.
i love this! the words flow with each other very well. you've done a very good job writing this, darling, fantastic job! keep it up!
-
I...love...this....
everything about it. It's written masterfully, beautiful word usage, never sounding awkward at all, and the emotions are conveyed so flawlessly. Loved every line. Probably loved the beginning the most, but it's a close call.
Extremely well penned, poet...
~QoA
-
WoW
this is amazzzing. i love the imagery, and it is hauntingly beautiful in so many different ways. i absolutely love this darling...
it is wonderful. a masterpiece.
-
i didn't expect that ending.proper well writen.loads of feeling.legend!
-
This is amazing
I absolutely love it
-
I love the last line so much. This is a really brilliant poem, I can definitely see the feeling here.
-
wow i like it alot
i liked the ending the best.
-
This was absolutely amazing. I'm jealous.
-
It reads almost like song lyrics. It's quite a strong poem, I get a very determined "feel" from it, very confident.
-
very nice
i like this it's a very beautiful and heartfelt piece ...one thing though your oh in the second stanza kinda throws off your rhythm a bit but...but you bring it right back......keep it up
-
omg! this is fucking amazing!!!!
"And kiss me (like you did)
Until the aching goes away."
favorite lines -
this is beautiful! The line "And kiss me like you did" reminds me of the song I Caught Fire - The Used.
This is an amzing piece!
-
Like I told you yesterday, I love this
-
this is a great poem and is a very insperational piece. great job. i love it.
-
I like this. Its a very good poem. I like how you ended it. that last line, to me, was very powerful. Good write.
Adding your comment:
1 - 29 of 29
