Epiphany...
the epidome of destiny
overwriting the simple facts of humanity
helping me see what is meant to be seen
never dirty but rarely clean
so open your eyes to this scene
of insensitive bullshit
help me to forget how these eyes became so wet
set on seeing the nice, kind, blind mankind
of which i wish we were designed to be
who is inclined to be nothing but kind to me
Rewind me, grind me until nothing is left but crying eyes
trying to fight the revised lies from the disguised guy
with full-sized eyes black as the nights lights
trying to hide the cries of the one we truly despise.
Himself. Yourself. Herself. Myself.
Now try to entertain this fact onto me
show me why my eyes bleed with the blood of empathy
You cant, yet you try to show me sympathy
keeping the tears going, fears flowing free from me
in the form of reality to show the insensitiviy in your veins,
bleeding from blood stained hands grasping to an unplanned man
crushing his heart and not finding it in your own heart to understand
why his mind is pounding and his soul is drowning
Reaching for something while the sirens are sounding.
Confounding. Astounding how you can't see the warnings.
Lights are bright but hidden from the sight of morning.
It's always the same yet never matters.
Walking away with too many regrets and a heart left shattered.
Splattered against the wall. It's like learning to crawl.
Only remembering how to stand up so you can learn fall.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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excellent
Now try to entertain this fact onto me
show me why my eyes bleed with the blood of empathy
You cant, yet you try to show me sympathy
keeping the tears going, fears flowing free from me
in the form of reality to show the insensitiviy in your veins,
bleeding from blood stained hands grasping to an unplanned man
crushing his heart and not finding it in your own heart to understand
why his mind is pounding and his soul is drowning
Reaching for something while the sirens are sounding.
Confounding. Astounding how you can't see the warnings.
your words are rich and graphic...I loved to read through all of them...gained my attention...well done.Do vist my portfolio and offer comments.
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Pretty good, but....
.....full of vitriol. Why? Have you been badly hurt by a young lady perhaps?
Just to be a trifle pedantic, could I be so bold as to suggest a few improvements?
"Now try to entertain this fact onto me" - there's something not quite grammatically right here ; perhaps "Now try to entertain this fact to me", or perhaps "Now try to explain this fact to me" may be better.
Also, edit "insensitivity".
Also, "veins" "man" "understand" - a rhyming fault!
However, there's a lot of power and passion in this piece. I liked it, and it deserves a little clap.
Kind regards,
Robin Nitpicker.
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Amazed
I'm amazed at how the words just flow together, the way you have described things just blows me away. And line 29, 30, and 31, well i think its just beautiful how you have wrote those lines. I love it
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This is a strong write, good flow and great internal and end rhymes, assonance builds a rhythm that beats with anger. The message is clear - a pity about the font/background combination, makes it difficult to read. I like the opposites used throughout, the final line a neat circle back to the title.
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from what I could read...
it was soulful, vivid and bold!
(oh please dear poet, change the font to blue or white)
This poem seems very worthy of our full attention so
we can chew upon it and enjoy the poetic imagery and
message you are clearly writing!
ears2hearyou/Seattle
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See you haven't lost your touch in writing... its a little rough, but then again I think you probably meant it to sound the way it has been written... who knows, the enigma continues...
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