A
perfect
tapestry.
Embroidered in
oranges and blacks.
Heat crackles as tireless
wings never dare to stop and
rest on the seemingly solid
bank of cloud; respite for a tired soul
intent on the journey south to end life
in the barren hold of colorless cold,
a brave knowing that warmth can be found,
that the route is true, that somehow
the ancestors always knew
the address of summer.
Bathed in the twilight
the flock glides south.
Miracles
never
end.
Author notes
This is a double etheree with syllable counts of 1 to 10 in each consecutive line and then it reverses in the second batch of lines from 10 to 1. It was fun writing this for Arkbear's contest.
A contest entry
- Poetry Formed XXVI by Arkbear.
500 points, ended March 25, 2008, 6 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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I loved the image of birds on their journey as a tapestry.
I liked " a brave knowing," and " the address of summer."
Marlene -
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I am glad you liked those parts. Those were my favorite parts too. Thanks for your comment.
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the poem is truly beautiful...though you could find alternate words to express your thoughts to give the shape a little more diamond affect...try left align and work the poem that way...love the poem...and the effort you put into this work....congrates..
Mal
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Thank you Mal. I am glad you liked it. Your comment means a lot.
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Hi tanzy!
Correct me if I'm wrong...but I believe you are missing a ( 5 ) syllable line in your last Etheree ~
....and using..... know....no.....sorta breaks my flow.....but not bad as it ends your write ~
Your presentation isa little off for that perfect diamond shape.....but lines 8, 12, 13, 17 & 19 are only needing a simple gramatical edit to fix the problem :)
Choosing the proper words for best aesthetics appeal is half the challenge in strict form ~
Some Poets don't worry about the aesthetics appeal.....but you know me......I do :)
The ancestors always knew the address of summer.....Brilliant!!!!
The message is one of the better ones in this contest.....but your simple mistakes will cost this entry some valueable (sp) points :(
Nonetheless.....what an excellent write!
Thank you my dear for taking the time to join us and presenting your thoughts from this prompt ~
Good luck to you and your entry,
Bear ~
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I fixed some of the simple errors ... especially the line that needed a fifth syllable and the ending. I am still looking at the shape. Thanks for a wonderfully informative and helpful comment as always. I will do some more edits in a bit. This was a great contest.
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sheesh!
you counted syllables???!!!
DAMN!
lol!
Wonderfully done my friend - not only have you gently touched nature but you have done it in an awesome way
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I did and I love doing it too. It is always a challenge to write something in this delightful form. I am so glad you liked it.
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Love the poem even without the shaping. The shaping just adds even more. Love it!
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Thank you so much. Your comments make my day every time I read them.
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Cool rhyme. I also like the shape this poem took. I think it's amazing how geese always know where to fly to when the cold winter weather comes. And, not only where to go, but when the weather is cold enough to tell them that the snow could be coming soon. Thanks for sharing and good luck in the contest.
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Thank you so much. It means a lot to see you being the first comment. Thank you for always supporting me. I promise to be along soon to comment on your stuff.
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