walking trough the dark
not felling so smart
he knows hes got to get home
one more week and hes free
free to be with the love of his life
free to stay out at night
free from the sand
in a land of temperature under
one hundred twenty
his dream is cut short
a shot in the dark strikes him in the back
its all over now
better show me now
better show me how
to get back to the land of the free
the land of the brave
hes bleeding now
the enemys sucsseding now
just tell him how
his life cut short one week from freedome
its all over now
A contest entry
- Soldiers by darkangelcutter.
400 points, ended March 19, 2008, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
please let me know what you think if neccesary be critical
Comments
-
Ok, there are a few problems...
All of your hes should be he's. Also, the 2nd to last line: freedome is freedom. Enemys should read enemies. Tempature should read with an "s"-tempatures.
Nice job on this! It hits home for some families.
M -
i am so sorry if this happen to you, i could only image this feeling,
i really like this one cause its describe like my friend describe it and he went back last week and its tearing me up
blessings and good luck
shanon
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