I finally visited you there
after writing many letters,
sending hugs on paper,
removing my shoes,
and setting off
the metal detector.
You were waiting serenely
on your plastic chair;
It felt so good to
hug your warmth, your life,
and to have hours to talk
face to face
no interruptions,
except for when I visited
the toilet and had
to be patted down
just in case I sought to
bring you contraband.
But I carried in only
intangibles, freely given
as we ate a dinner
procured from
vending machines.
Author notes
BellaD
Prompt: Pro Bono
A contest entry
- Tomorrow's End by Randomly Beautiful.
300 points, ended March 19, 2008, 8 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - BECAUSE YOU ARE MY FAVS by Swan song.
3000 points, ended April 5, 2008, 28 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
All comments are appreciated!
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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Hmmm... impressive.
I love the way you told a story with this one - not just a plot, but also a lot about the characters -without really saying much.
The details you chose to reveal were so telling, so vivid, that you really drew me into this world, this place, this situation.
Amazing!
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Pro Bono is just not in most attorneys vocabularies
this one was either very young, already wealthy, female , Christian or had a terminal illness and wanted in good with God which was it? =)
or did I miss the whole thing and it was not an attorney at all?
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Very, very nice write. Thanks for sharing. There was something about the last three lines that just struck me, and I absolutely loved them.
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an "Out-of -Body" experience!
Ahhhhhhh. MARvelous.
It's so close to the flesh. I felt each description. The first stanza is right under the skin.
You've been influenced by something that prompted this all the way to the bone. That's poetry, in my opinion.
(I'd lift one of the commas in the first stanza. Just me.
)
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Thank you, Cookie Zeal!
I truly appreciate the read and your comments. I am glad you liked Pro Bono
BellaD
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This is very well written and cares a soft wonderful flow throughout...it is hard warming and also sad, for I have been there to see people who have no one else and it is hard...thank you for sharing yourself and your warm heart...well deserving of the Gold!
Blessings,
mystic
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I have never been inside a prison. Went to jail once but i was out before I was sober and that was many moons ago. This gave me a very vivid view. Not to mention it showed to me the faith or the belieif in love or the goodness of someone. Thank you this was a treat!!!!!
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Great title. A sad situation, yet one with noted positives: your warmth, your life, hours to talk. The unusuals emphasize the alien-ness of the location: metal detector, patted down, contraband.
My favorite lines, "I carried in only intangibles, freely given as we ate dinner." And those were the vital things, support and caring. Congrats on the gold!
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Thank you, Mirthyl!
Thank you for your kind comments. I can't take credit for the title, as it was one of the contest prompts, but it was a very inspiring prompt for me!
BellaD
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Oh my! What an image you have painted with this. What a fantastic job you did, well done!
Love,
Amera♥
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oh how sad is this write and yet for love there is no boundries. I enjoyed the scene as it played out before my eys here, great use of imagery
Ruth
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