Mr Collins is my name,
I’m a man of modest fame,
Just a member of the clergy – in the Anglican Liturgy –
And I’m really not to blame,
For enrichment’s not my aim,
And if Longbourn I inherit – ‘twill be Providence, not merit –
I’ll bow to it, all the same!
Lady Catherine de Bourgh,
Lady Catherine de Bourgh,
How I always will defer –
Lady Catherine de Bourgh!
Oh my patroness is great
In her wealth and her estate,
And I’m grateful for her giving me a satisfactory living –
Though I feel the need, of late,
Of a helpmeet and a mate,
But you cannot say I cozen the fair daughters of my cousin –
I would be a base ingrate!
Lady Catherine de Bourgh,
Lady Catherine de Bourgh,
Ah, I owe it all to her –
Lady Catherine de Bourgh!
Sweet Elizabeth… or Jane…
Can a clergyman attain
Such a pinnacle in marriage? Oh, a man of humble carriage
Might a celibate remain,
And renounce all thought of gain.
But such piety I’m shedding to pursue a modest wedding
(Better marry than abstain!)
Lady Catherine de Bourgh,
Lady Catherine de Bourgh,
I, with admiration, purr –
Lady Catherine de Bourgh!
Now sweet Charlotte has my heart
(She’s the daughter of a ‘Bart’)
And she thinks it is no larceny to wed a humble parson;
We will ride in my dogcart
From our nuptials, and start
Our conjugal bliss together – richer, poorer, blind to weather –
As the good Lord doth impart…
Lady Catherine de Bourgh,
Lady Catherine de Bourgh,
I, a moon around thee, whirr –
Lady Catherine de Bourgh!
Author notes
"Pride and Prejudice"
In a list
A contest entry
- In the Name of Jane Austen by Nicolette Everett.
1500 points, ended May 26, 2008, 10 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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I could hear Mr. Collins saying all of this too! What a great poem about this character, congrats on the gold!
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I like this. Your poem brings the comedy that Jane Austen laid within Mr. Collins. And along with conveing what Ms. Austen herself portrayed, your poem was also in itself very well written.
Nice job!
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I am glad you liked this. Mr Collins says:
"Dear lady, I am gratified at your bestowal of the charming little gold trophy. My patroness - Lady Catherine de Bourgh - has several (somewhat larger) at Rosings Park of course..."
I am just doing what I should have done in the first place - correcting my spelling. There was a real Lady Catherine de BURGH who was less than pleased with Miss Austen, and I really ought to be chastised for mis-spelling Longbourn.
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Oh what a brilliant poem! and wasn't Mr Collins such an obnoxious little toad LOL!!
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Thank you.
The wonderful thing about his character is that... well... he isn't exactly a bad guy... you just wouldn't want to hang out with him.
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What a disagreeable little man he was, sycophantic and conceited. You depicted him so well and understood the way Jane depicted him
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I'm glad you liked it.
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You Gotta Love Toady
Ah, well, while this poem is rather adequate, I flatter myself that my submission has over FIVE and THIRTY verses and is likely to be the largest entry submitted. My position in the contest is quite to be envied, and I have expectations of up to, perhaps, 1000 points. My position in A.P. is secure and I have an income of over 5000 points per annum. Will you marry me?
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Gracious, Sir - how can a young lady refuse such an offer!
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hehe... this is brilliant! You actually had me singing it as I read. humm... what's a dogcart?
Love,
your Amera
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It's a light, two-wheeled carriage (NOT drawn by a dog, by the way). Glad you liked the poem, little Sis.
Love back
M
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Oh my gosh! This is so great and so entertaining to read! Mr. Collins was probably the LAST person I thought anyone would write a poem about for this contest, but you did it, and it's brilliant!
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He's such a wonderfully-drawn character... I just couldn't resist. I thought people would go for all the obvious ones - Elizabeth/Darcy, Emma/Knightly, and so on. I had a lot of fun doing this poem.
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Oh God, this is so good I can hear the little man actually reciting this to Elizabeth with her feigning interest behind a fan!
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As I wrote it I had the voice of actor David Bamber running through my mind. I'm glad you liked it.
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Who the bloody hell needs to waste there time with a damn boring book.
'Cause this is STONKING!!!!!!
Fant-greatest-poetastic Will you please write something dreadful for a change this is about as boring as saying "Nice rhyme Jeff"
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Jeff, I think this is the first time any poem of mine has ever been described as "Stonking".
A boring poem? Suggest a subject.
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I didn't actually say write a boring poem I said calling your poetry great was boring.
Amera is right this is yet another of your poems that makes me sing. However since you love a challenge go for a perfectly rhymed and flowed poem about the washing up that even I can't want to sing! -
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Get a dishwasher!
I'll work on it over the weekend (the poem)
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Oh what a delight!!! I can see Mr. Collins simpering in all his humble glory!
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Y'know, I often wonder what JA had against clergymen. Messrs Collins and Elton are not exactly paragons. Glad you liked it.
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