Dizzy

Are you joking, I'm back here again.
I don't think I'm ready to feel this way,
And I wonder if I ever will be.
This isn't how life is supposed to be,
is it?
I can't tell anymore, it's too much to think about.

But its the music, and the Spirit, and the way my heart beats,
and I can't seem to lose it...or maybe find it.

All I'll ever know, is that I'll never really know,
Cause if I knew, it wouldn't be hard, and if it wasn't hard,
I wouldn't rely on the right person, and I if I didn't rely on Him...
Well, lets not go down that road, we know where it goes.

But what do I do then, if I can't know what to do, and no one will say.
Do I pretend it's fake, and hope it will go away?
Do I pretend I'm just me, and nothing is raging inside?
Do I pretend?......

Why does pretend always have to be an option,
Why is it I can never just let flow with what I feel, keep it a bit more real?
Why do I ask why, when I know there's no answer.

Who needs an answer anyway? Would it really change that much?
Would I become a better person just because I find out how I SHOULD have reacted.

Oh but the music, and the aromatic spirit, and the offbeat clump of my heart,
It makes it so hard to find the feeling...or maybe shake it.

So I guess I won't know, and thats ok, because right now,

I'm just gonna live this day.