If silence were a fire,
silence would blaze within all human eyes
so much that light would pour from this planet's blue reprise.
If quietness were a ballet,
perhaps even a magic trick so colorful,
in simpleton terms, then quietness would be so magical.
If the absence of sound were just about
fantasies of sleep-walking among wand'ring stars
then maybe the people of this earth would leave to settle Mars.
However,
if the stillness of the universe
would belong to this race's eternal rite
then the endless universe would suddenly burst forth with light.
Author notes
This poem, following contest rules does not contain:
The following words: Nothing, Something, Everything, Life, Death, Night, Day, World, Free, Fall, Sky, Hate, Love, Dark, Sad, Happy, Man, Dream, Broken, Cry, Heaven, Hell, Blood, Believe, Hope, Peace, Thought, Word, Meaning, Understand, Body, Feel, Touch, or Heart
- NO personal or possessive pronouns (I, me, he, she, you, it, they, her, him, us, mine, yours, hers, his, its, ours, theirs)
- NO coordinating conjunctions (and, but, or, nor, for, so, yet)
- NO adverbs ending in –ly.
A contest entry
- MEGA Anti-wordbank (BIG Points!!!) by Metaphorist.
1500 points, ended March 31, 2008, 11 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Give me a critical thought.
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Excellent!
You wrote a beautiful poem with natural rhyme. Great flow. Congrats on the well-deserved Silver!
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Thank you for the comment. I was very honored by the trophy. This contest was a lot of fun and was well worth the hard work.
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It's very simple, but very true.
It says to me, that we have closed our eyes, or at least avert them from what's going on in our world.... and from ourselves in truth. That we don't act, we are the lonely man in line for the bread truck and not the revolution. And we do not speak out against our opressors, which does not necessarily mean the government but perchance merely time itself. And without any of these things, we aren't really living but rather biding our time in a mass grave site.
But if we were to do these things, we could make the world what we want it to be -- and all we have to do is choose to do it. It's the confession not the priest, it's the will not the way, it's the meaning not the word. All we have to do is something and anything is possible.
All of these things are woven quite eloquently together in a scheme I find well placed. Well played poet.
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Well, sir, I am glad to see you have responded to this poem so well. I am very glad you could relate, and add some flavor as well, I might add. Indeed we are the lonely men in the bread line (if I may quote thee), and we continue to live in this flat and taped-mouth society. We need to pull out the revolution, or hand out the reality to those who have not seen. Well put response. Again, I'm glad for the feedback. Cheers.
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Omg this is awesome! It's a really good poem and you worked around the anti-wordbank so so well! great job and best of luck.
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This is great. I liked the way you worked the rules and managed to create a dynamic and powerful storyline. The theme is awesome and there rhyme scheme is flawless. Also, as stated below.. the typo on line 4. Other than this, your poem is great. Best of luck in the contes!
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I like the setup of this, the rhyme scheme chosen, and the fluidity of the images presented. One typo: ine 4- "quietness" I presume. Thanks for entering and good luck!
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Thank you for the comment and the contest. I had a lot of fun with this very challenging and engaging assignment. Glad you liked the format and hope you understood the theme. Cheers.
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