Can I keep you Forever?
That's what I think When I look into your eyes
As you kiss me deeply I think there's no way this will end...never
I'm more than just some piece of meat, some prize
You kiss me so softly and sweetly
Letting me know you love me
I pray you'll never use me cheaply
But deep down inside I'm scared because of everything
I look into your eyes again and my doubts subside
How absurd it is to think I can't have you forever
How your whispers and sayings are all lies
and that one moment of this is not just some one night pleasure
My heart asking as I feel your heart pump in your chest
"Can I keep you forever and a day?"
You're not like all the rest
You're not just here to play
As I feel you against me I know
You're the one person I want to keep
The ONLY person I never want to let go
Never a lone do I want to be and we fall asleep
In you arms I feel safe
Knowing I can keep you, you'll never leave
Always wanting to know your sweet embrace
But in the morning...to myself I plead
I've noticed you're in a hurry to leave
I thought you would be there for me that I could keep you
But I guess to you I'm just a stupid girl just a child
I suppose through all this it might be true
You blame the night on my feminine wiles
Crying to myself I try to stay strong
But it's really hard because I love you
And I thought in your arms I truly belonged
It's hard to believe you did this at all
You say I'm one of your best friends
a lump in my throat...my heart to my stomach falls
I thought we'd be TOGETHER until the end
But instead you just turn and say" no more than friends"
What was that we just did...I thought I could keep you
I guess I just get screwed...
I guess keeping you in a different sense is what is true
Maybe it's your words YOU misconstrued
I still love you and it hurts all this aching inside
I'm just so tired of being just a friend
And hearing all of everyone's lies.
Author notes
How absurd it is to even think I can't have you forever
A contest entry
- "Can I Keep You Forever" by oldphotosonlybringt.
550 points, ended March 20, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What's your first impresion?
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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Title: 3/5- The word "even" is unnecessary, and the wording is awkward.
Venting: 35/50- You hover between self blame and blame of the other. I admit that I am biased, because self blame IMO shouldn't occur in situations such as the one you describe. From an objective point of view, I feel that this poem is more personal ponderings, working over a situation for self, rather than a vent.
My Personal Like/Dislike: 10/15- You hit on some really good points, but just missed the mark a little.
Followed Rules: 20/20- Perfect
Grammer/Spelling: 5/10- technically your spelling was fine (unless I missed something, I did read it rather quickly) and grammer is, well, this is poetry, there is no fixed grammar, but I would like to see you play around with your vocabulary.
Total: 73/100
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Title: 3/5- too long
Venting: 45/50- you could of said more
My Personal Like/Dislike: 10/15- I don't hate it but I don't love it
Followed Rules: 20/20- Perfect
Grammer/Spelling: 5/10- you need to work on your form
Total: 83/100 -
ALLOWED IN. BE BACK AT A LATER TIME TO REVIEW
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ooo, i'm sorry for your pain. But this was a great and amazing poem, full of emotions. ! You can move on when you feel you're ready to, at your own pace. keep up the awesome work !
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Thank you! I really appreciate it...the whole comment.
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im sorry. i sort of know how you feel.,. from my ex. he was my first and last boyfriend. He was a sick bastard, and im glad he is gone.
i am in love now, and happy, perhaps you should move on, and you will find someone to keep YOU forever just right around the corner..just like i have.
Good poem here -eleno
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um...thanks for your advice...but I don't really want to move on atm. ^^;;
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forever takes endeavors not to sever the eternal longings of two hearts through
all of life's woes, beauty fading, handsome face beginning to sag, sickness at times, and even till death, and beyond, forever is just around the corner, but it's a long walk together, and sadly many get too tired...you will find a walker to walk with you till you are both using a walker, enjoy the short journeys till the real one sets you free....Artis
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Thanks Artis...I hope you're right...
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Oh so touching and very heartfelt here, oh how hard it is for you. oh the longing of your love, just for him, just to be with him...
I hope everything works out, if not then you deserve much than this guy, he'll never make you feel this way if he truly cares...
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I suppose you're right...maybe...
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I dont know what to say...you've left me speechless. This is very heartfelt, I am sorry if what you feel is true. I know that sometimes our hearts are given the wrong impression by someone we love, they lead us entirely into deception, and they let us fall, then they just dont bother to pick us up again into their arms. Life defiently has its own vicious cycle, but things will be all right!!
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yep it's true...Thank you for your wonderful comment.
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loved it
thanks doll wish you all the best
keep up th amazing work i am loveing it..
endless -
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thank you.
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