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Everything but love

Body screamed from fingers pierced, the flesh inside bled with tears
The smell of sweat and ugly breath, wrecked her body deserted a mess
Priceless she was-an enchanting tale, till she was raped and offered for sale
he filled her life with an infinite gale, inside her soul he set a jail,
Herself to death's abyss she did shove, cause he gave her everything, everything but love.

Author notes

Some roses just yearn to die cause of the lack of sunlight...

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Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • Lowercase Prelude gold member
    May 15

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    wow. like the previous commenter said, this was haunting. the part that really stuck out to me was the last line "Herself to death's abyss she did shove, cause he gave her everything, everything but love."

    well penned


  • rhondasail
    April 30

    Edit | Reply
    This is a hauntingly lovely write in its dark tone, though the anger and frustration is clearly evident...may I suggest a few tweaks to make the flow a bit smoother? Line 2: perhaps add the word 'then' after 'wrecked her body'; Line 3: add a dash between these phrases 'Priceless she was-an enchanting tale' and perhaps change 'death' to 'death's', I feel this will tighten the language a bit and make a smoother transition from line to line...These are only suggestions, you have written a strong piece and I enjoyed reading it. Your author note is profoundly wise as well...Peace, Rhonda


  • Lsh-x
    April 22
    Edit | Reply
    This is so powerful! I love it.
    Oh so Dark.

    I love it. xD

    Laura <3

    • godlessbutdivine
      April 22
      Edit | Reply
      Am glad that you like it..thank you for reading it...check OUTCAST if you like dark.

  • Deceits Tears
    March 24
    Edit | Reply
    This is dark and very powerful, a most excellent piece


  • delightfulmess silver member
    March 19

    Edit | Reply
    oooh... This is very powerful..
    Very descriptive.
    Excellent.


    Delila


  • nichtmich silver member
    March 19

    Edit | Reply
    Very strong piece of work. Perhaps a little uneven in places, e.g. "wrecked her body deserted a mess." IMHO A poignant story poem, taut and concise.

    . Rewarded 4


  • jbbrandi
    March 19

    Edit | Reply
    This is powerful. Short and simple...well, not really, but a lot is said in your words. I'm left speechless.

    . Rewarded 4


  • ennovy silver member
    March 19

    Edit | Reply

    Dark & Scarey

    Very well written tale of a womans demise. The pain of being treated so dark, cold...You used some vivid metahpors to give us a colorful picture...Like the setting of some novels this pulled me in...wish the story in this write was longer.....novy

1 - 10 of 10