Her mind says "embrace him"
but her heart says "he's too far away".
Her arms reach as far
as they can,
but her heart only lets her fingertips
brush his bare skin.
Her voice calls out to him,
but her heart steals it back.
Why is a heart so
controlling?
A contest entry
- An In-Depth Look Into Relationships by Theactoffailing.
600 points, ended April 1, 2008, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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It's a cute concept, however a huge portion of this already short piece is even further shortened by repetitive words "but", "her", "heart", I'm aware that it is basically the entire theme of the poem, but with short writes I'm incredibly picky. If you don't weave a story, then your words must be flawless. This just seems very plain. I enjoyed it, no doubt, but it just didn't do anything difficult. Thank you for entering, best of luck to you.
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Sometime the heart can be controlling and usually knows the right thing and does the right thing. A wonderfully penned piece. Keep the ink flowing and good luck!
~Donna~
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Wow this is absolutley gorgeous. I love it.
It's short and sweet. great write.
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