Tony got on his way soon after the job
dried up and July left a nasty dry dust
where there should be a swamp and mosquito's.
He said that the gods of insects would
return when it was a good time to feed,
and my evolutionary biology class agreed.
Mom and dad told me to thank your food
for laying its life down to sustain you.
Then we prayed a prayer Dad learned.
All religions came from Atlantis and
the stars said I was confident and important
but my highschool said I was just an ant.
God, doesn't exist. Never did. Gods and God
are just ways of doping yourself,
deluding your ability to reason! It's obvious,
if there was a perfect God, we would
not have these problems, and if there were
many gods, there is no place to hide them.
No one said how to love, or what the hell it was,
a construct to keep people from killing each other,
a way to produce a system that you protect
because it protects you and yours.
Is it any surprised that we rebel against
such a construct. What a great angst!
The mosquitos returned on schedual,
and so did my religious ceramonious
attendence of classes, only worse now
Tony has left me with a hole in my
crystal ball of fortune telling and theorizing.
Leaving me for my work in memorizing.
The title is taken from a line from a song called "Jewel Drop" by Kashmir. The song has nothing to do with this poem, in less you see something, but I just liked the line and how it helped keep my poem on track. I am interested in what people thought was going on in this poem. These things more or less did happen in my life. So, if you want to do a biographical analysis I can give a bit of back story, but if you want to just read it how you read it, stop reading now. First, I am a part of what is called Christianity, although, that is as monolithic as the term Pagan. People have an idea that Christians are of one mind and goal, and that is true to a point, but not the point that makes it into popular media. Put me in a line of what the general media (including alternative media and punk media) and I wouldn't fit at all. Actually, only a couple I know would fit into that over criticized chatagory. I didn't grow up in a church and I have been through a few things, but on the other hand, I have never starved, I have never been shot at. Life hasn't been bad, but there has been some bad things. This poem goes into my childhood and digs up through highschool, before I lose faith in atheism and paganism, the two traditions I grew up. Tony represents a lot of my friends who rebelled against their upbrings as good little Christians to become bad boy Pagans (a number of terms were used that are much more flattering than those terms). They left, and I left those ideas that I thought were so true. My ideas were challenged heavily, and I have come to the conclusion that no amount of human reason can solve the equations we smash into and paganism just didn't make any sense, it felt too fake. This isn't to say that it isn't true or not, I don't live that world of true or not. It just didn't work. Christ drew me in, I guess the mainliners might say. Who knows, I will be working all this out till the moment we all know what was going on. Till then I will be living as Christ like life I can feel out. So, this poem is part of the my travel from paganism to atheism and leads up till the big questions that drug me through learning about hinduism, buddhism, Islam and a number of other belief systems. If this resonates with you in any direction, give me a shout. I love talking about my life and how it relates and compares to other's thoughts about life and their own life.
Honorable mention
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