As he ponders chess moves
on salt and pepper pots
a 45 year old couple sit opposite
in buttered white bread
silence
eating their all day breakfasts
like pigeons.
Neither ask the reason-
it seems;
they both already know.
Author notes
Challenge 2. Picture prompt.
In a list
A contest entry
- Because I love giving challenges, by catalyst..
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Comments
1 - 23 of 23
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Very well written and conceived, but I would think this scenario would be more apt for an even older couple, some where in their 60's...45 just seems too young in my imagination (but then again, I guess age is relative). I really loved the lines "sit opposite/in buttered white bread/silence." This is a great reflective observation in my opinon. Well done...alby
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This verse I'm gonna have to distinguish as one of being emotionally tragic.
And while its beauty cannot be discounted (and not juss fer the mere fact that it IS sorrowful neither, which o'course as yer know by default must be considered as exquisite)
Nah, that's not what I'm on about at all.
Rather, I'm inclined to mention of how its heartrending facet boils down to the finessed allusions outlining the incontrovertibleness fueling the complacency of a once never-ending sentimentalism.
It's unyielding to reason and realism because such an emotionally charged infallibility considers not what is contrary to the truth, (Yer know, cos of the infallible aspect it holds, hehe) but instead regards, or perhaps I should say, it disregards reason and realism as being unreasonable and unrealistic.
Cos they are.
Anyway, like I said, an emotional tragedy
Impressive verse nonetheless.
Keep well Alex,
'Anna
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This was a funny poem, full of humor I must say. I did like the ending, very amusing.
Good luck
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This poem seemed just half way decent to me until the ending. You really shot it home with that last line.
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I can't decide if this is a poem of comfort between the two or just boredom. Interesting that you seem to leave that open.
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Challenge 2 I presume?
I love the imagery here, all the black and white items and emotions that create the mood. Great write. -
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Thanks a lot.
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Neat.
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Thanks very much .
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this is good stuff !!
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haha, I liked it, less an observation about a certain group though, seeing as how one day if any of us grow to be that age we'll probably find ourselves in the same rut with the same thoughts. It's depressing to think about but worthwhile if we'rre ever going to avoid it.
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?
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like the line about buttered white bread silence, very evocative
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oh, you've changed this a bit since I first read it....I love the image and wording in your new beginning! Adding in the element of a game being played - well done!!
I still like this....a LOT!
best wishes in your contest.
(I can't give any more clappies as I already did...so....
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OK< I can see the objections below. But this is YOUR observation, and YOUR interpretation. As such it is an effective little poem. Lose the notes, though. If that makes it a trifle cryptic to some people, so what? Poems sometimes ARE cryptic.
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I'll be honest, I did not understand most of it, and I disagree that at 45 a couple has to be miserable.
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hmmmmm......quite interesting interpretation of that or those couples that sit silently together anyplace. Personally I look at it a different way at times though...silence can be golden, and maybe they really do not need to say it , speak it......but it is not their dull grey lives.....it is a mutual understanding of each other and knowing what they do have [instead of having to pretend in public and make smalltalk just for the sake of it] we never do know what goes on in their real lives behind closed doors. I have found that many elderly people individually as well as coupled are quite PRIVATE in PUBLIC. {just giving a different opinion on the scenario] not claiming to be right though
reenie
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Wow! This says a lot - and yet leaves a lot unsaid. Very effective and powerful in image and wording. And so relatable, as you see it too often - the silent couples.
Very well done!
best wishes in your contest.
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I think this is a wonderful write. Short, sweet, and packs a punch. Great job.
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Grey faces, grey lives--that's the way most of us end up, let's be honest. Your poem is effective for what it doesn't say (and doesn't need to). Truthful writing.
Bill
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fuck me dry
when i was a young lad like wot you are, i can remember this scene, but now i am 45,
and the memory is a dream.
thanks for the regurgitation
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I've seen this one too many times. I hope I don't end up like that. Should it be "sit opposite" instead? Enjoyed it. Good luck!
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wow
This is a story the mind could take so many places.
Enjoyed the read.
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