Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

A Silent Tear

Humanity is such a simple thing,
It gives you time to hide,
But now that I’m immortal,
You’ve realized that I lied.
I told you that I loved you,
I told you that I cared,
And you actually believed me,
Until my teeth were bared.
The blood beneath my lips,
Was rich and very sweet,
I instantly grew horrified,
As I knocked you off your feet.
I felt the life leave you,
But I couldn’t stop,
And when I finally did,
I merely let you drop.
I realized then that I loved you,
So I killed myself my dear,
And as I felt my own life go,
I shed a silent tear.

Author notes

Username: emowolf1

Real Name/Nickname (what you would like to be known as): Daelynn

Age: 14

How long have you been on AP: Two or three days

Any published work (poetry): No

Favourite Genres/Categories (ie. Dark, Spiritual):
Dark, Love, bascially aything I'm feeling at the moment
Favourite Forms (Senryu, Haiku, Etheree): I have none

Freeverse or Rhyme: Rhyme

Personality: Dark, can be mysterious, people call me amo but I dont cut my wrists

Acceptance to others opinions (do you respect others opinions on how you could improve your poetry): Yes, very much

Inspiration to write (why do you write poetry): It's a perfect way to show how you feel and you can't be judged by what you say.
Anyways, it's fun.
I chose option 5

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 16 of 16

  • Immortal Obscurity gold member
    April 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, this is pretty awesome... The end didn't hit me as hard as the rest of the poem, but even so, you have written with a maturity that is well-beyond your 14 years. Well done, and thanks for sharing!

    Laura xxx


  • Fading.Heart
    April 6, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    WOW I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


  • SuicidalLover
    March 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    A vampiric theme. Interesting if you were trying to speak hypotheticly.


  • Thedamned77
    March 26, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I really enjoyed this poem. Thank you for entering my contest. However, I need to end the contest because there were only 3 entries. I'm so sorry. Thank you for entering and sharing your marvelous piece with me. Please enter my future contests. Keep writing!


  • Blooming Poet
    March 24, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    That is a lot of pain foor someone so young to have to endure. The idea of shedding a silent tear is beautiful. Love this part:

    realized then that I loved you,
    So I killed myself my dear,
    And as I felt my own life go,
    I shed a silent tear.



  • Pretty Britty
    March 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This is a simple yet harsh write. Almost made me tear up a little bit - well done!

  • yellowdolphinE
    March 22, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Simple but amazing


  • Cavca
    March 21, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Well, you captured the prompt well. I absolutely love the last two lines. Your rhyme is a little forced, but it flows well. You did well implying the vampire thing. I can honestly say that I was not expecting a vampire poem to be submitted. And if it was, I would have thought that option two would have gotten it. You did well. The first line is up for debate, but it certainly starts off with an interesting idea. Good luck. And welcome to AllPoetry.


  • liduen silver member
    March 21, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Great job! I love the last 2 lines. Amazing job and the best of luck in the contest


  • Melissa Burns
    March 21, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for your entry into my humble little contest, best of luck and thanks again!


  • CitrineSunrise silver member
    March 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A rhyming verse such as thing would benefit from a more consistent meter. Thank you for your entry. Peace, Liz


  • xxRainbowDawnxx
    March 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Can you please add application to your entry, or I will not be letting you in to the competition.
    Thank you.


  • Elenaliz
    March 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this is pretty cool but to me,in a couple places the rhyme seemed a little forced.i would take out had in the fourth line.you dont need it there i think it would flow a little better without it.


  • bloodpoet13
    March 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    im loving this. u seem to have a similiar style as me. i love dark and depressing poems. their the best. your words here have a beautiful flow but a dark message and i love it.


  • shiora kigirashi
    March 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    nice and very intristing

1 - 16 of 16