My hand slithers behind you
And I draw you closer to me
This is what I do
And now you will see
I don’t know what it’s like
To be in that state
It nay be full of delight
Where you accept your fate
But still, I sink my teeth in
And listen as your heart slows
The feeling I feel cancels out the sin
It’s where my human side shows
I feel as though I’m in the sky
Floating freely without a care
It’s so joyous, I want to cry
And keep this feeling, never to share
Then comes the passion
And it equals making love
So I do it in such a fashion
That is nothing I’ve ever dreamed of
It gets rougher and harder to control
As the warm liquid continues to pour
And I feel almost like I had my soul
And my spirits begin to soar
Then your heart begins to stop
And the beating fills my ears
The pain I feel then is hard to top
Even after 300 years
All feelings of joy are gone
Now, all that’s there is emptiness and pain
My “life” is a very sad song
But saddest of all, is tomorrow, this will happen again
Author notes
My favorite animal is very cliche... a panther... ^_^
A contest entry
- Poetic challenge: A New Beginning!!! by luckynsincere.
525 points, ended March 25, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A lil somethin somethin(Please read updates if you havent! Sorry for any inconveneces) by DogTagz-TheJalapeno.
315 points, ended June 6, 2008, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - [[ I wish i had a cookie]] For All by RawrSmileBabyPlz.
430 points, ended June 18, 2008, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Wow this is really good
very well written
i like it alot
good job
thanks for entering my contest
good luck
for you
xxx--<3--
Shelly -
Wow. Vampireness. Good job. Imgaer gets thumbs up. Good luck on the contest!
-
THIS IS QUITE A POEM! Your wording is captivating and pulled me right into the lines. Wonderfully expressed throughout. My only dislike was that you put caps on the beginning of each line. Made it choppy. This is very powerful!
At the close of the ontest there will be a link to a group application. It is required that you join to continue in this challenge.
Good luck, and I really look forward to reading more and more of your awesome pen!!
sincerely,
Mel
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beautiful
just beautiful
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Hello Poet ~
Welcome to the Poetic Challenge contest :)
First off......thank you for taking the time to enter this piece....I can tell you this came from deep within your heart ~
However...let me begin by teling you.....originality is going to be something I will be looking for throughout this Challenge....and to me, this piece is floating amongst the ordinary ~
I can already see your talents showing off and standing tall with pride in your spilled ink.....but if there is no Impact, Power, Focus or Lasting Impression....then your score will be hurt, and your chances for winning this Challenge are going to slip out of your grasp ~
:(
Capping each line totaly ruins the Flow IMO....it may not for others who read it....but they are not the Judge who has to score it ~
Some writers tend to not worry about Capping each line, regardless of new thought or new line.....but for me, you will find I enjoy a smooth write with smooth lines and ending thoughts in place ~
Loved your gentleness you showed....takes a lot to make this Bear enjoy writes about love found and then lost ~
You penned this with such passion in your quill....and you wrapped it up with a couple of lines which bring it all together.....nicely done :)
Just a reminder....your focus is superb....your lasting impression is likeable.....and your tone is what kept my attention throughout.....I think this is in the top 5 writes in this contest :)
....you are another Poet who can win this thing if you set your goals high and spill ink with your talented quill which I am looking at before me :)
The best to you and your entry,
Bear ~
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