She cries.
She feels so full of dispair.
WHY is this world so unfair?
It is round- and she is square,
Doesn't anyone else care?
She cries.
She awakens, and the gloom is gone.
She crawls out of bed, and says with a yawn,
"What the HELL is going on?"
She was hopeless, now indifferent and withrawn.
What can she do to feel again?
She'll take anything- even disdain.
Where can she turn, champagne? cocaine?
Somehow she finds the will to refrain.
She hunts and searches for the elation,
She felt just last week, she needs some temptation.
Some excitement arrives, here is her salvation!
She's rolling again, high with anticipation.
She blinks and again her heart feels broken
"What was I?" she screams, "Some kind of token?"
"Was I too me?" She is free and outspoken.
She lies crumpled on the floor, completely broken.
She cries.
Author notes
Contest. "She cries" as first and last line.
A contest entry
- "She/He Cries" by JustAnotherIdoit.
450 points, ended March 20, 2008, 21 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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Holy shit..
This is so outstanding..
I can feel every emotion shouting to me as I read. Great word-sound-like-other-word!! (See, I found another way to say it, tell me, does this look right to you? - rhyming - ) I'd just nod and say yes!
Favorite:
"What was I?" she screams, "Some kind of token?"
--This is great, it's the perfect rhyme and comparison!!
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Yup.
This is very well done
very true and needs to be heard
and we all need a bit of Jesus
well more than we can ask for,
otherwise this is how we will feel.
..Simply Me♥ -
omg
congrats on the HM. it was well deserved
Mylee -
my hero
i feel your pain your great w/ words ! -
Christ, ya know when something is really fine and ya want to convey to the writer how superb you think their work is but ya don't want to say very pedestrian comments?
This piece holds that realm.
First, the title bring in the crowed, it just sounds interesting.
Validation is highly over rated,
usually the people you seek it from belong on a ledge somewhere.
I particularly like the third stanza.
Thanks for taking time from your life to read my work.
Knowing now what a fine writer you are makes your comments a valued addition.
Blessings Gypsy, Many Blessings,
LOWELL POE.
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your rhyming is really good, ow did you do that? it was very deep. good job
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It is round- and she is square,
Doesn't anyone else care
^^ really like that line....
Well written and it reminds me of a lot of things, but mostly this book i jsut finished,
keep on writing I hope to read more some time -
I love the line is it round-and she is square. I've enjoyed reading this. the emotion is strong within the poem. Nicely done. very nicely done. Keep up the great job. You can almost feel the pain in this poem.
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So sad, and so true. Great emotional write here.
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this is good.i like how first shes in so much pain then it goes away and she cant feel anything and she waNTs to go back.i like the contrast.great write.
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Wow
This is good
I liked how everything in one stanza rhymed
I've done that before
And I like it like that =]
Great write
Thanks for commenting me
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Very good; very insightful.
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Well written
This is the perfect description of what most go through in this world. Always looking outward for validation and never accepting the fact that they are their own validation, and need NO one elses approval.
Beautifully done.
Buddy
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Love it
My Favorite by you so far!!
Harmony
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Oh so touching and very heartfelt here, how many can relate so much, the pain and suffering they're facing everyday...
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Well written and so very true. How often we search for some thing that we hope will fill that void inside only to discover that our latest "salvation" is just one more empty promise. But, there is nothing outside of ourselves that can "save" us and our salvation and damnation are found only in ourselves. Ironic that we try to spend less time with ourselves and more time with others, just when we should be rediscovering who we are.
Insightful write. Very thought provoking and I find myself applying your wisdom to my life -- or at least trying to.
Thank you, CaliOkie
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This is also very, very well written. Thanks for the entry.
'She was hopeless, now she's indifferent and withrawn.'
I think would flow better if ir were
'she was hopeless, now indifferent and withdrawn.'
just an opinion. But its great, thanks.
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