"i can't breathe with you
in here"
she said, and gulped her drink
as if my oxygen theft
had turned her
into a fish
i smiled into my glass
watching the foam
softly subside
and wondered if
i could climb inside
would she follow?
newly formed gills
pulling in oxygen
and alcohol
chasing me all the way
to the bottom
we'd dance
arm and arm
kicking up our heels
in a descending spiral
till we sat on the glass
giggling and tossing
little balls of carbonation
into the world above
pickled in our own world
would we stay happy?
insulated and numb,
could you breathe then?
so i sip again
let the suds
slide over my tongue
feel the warmth grow
from my stomach
i feel her stumble,
while we walk out,
and she leans against me imperceptibly
as i carry her
through this world
Author notes
minor thoughts on codependents
A contest entry
- Addiction by pinkink.
850 points, ended March 19, 2008, 8 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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This is pure gold in my book! I'd give you three applauds but I have only two left.
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LOVE it! Great wording through out, well written!
-
You won Silver
Thank you for your very interesting entry into my contest, and congrats on the silver. It was SO difficult to chose. Looking forward to reading more of your stuff. -
As I carry her
thr this world
sometimes the mirror we hold we want it to show a cloud if we put a sun in front and that language of metaphors is real stuff for me
nicely done -
I love this! Your language comes to life, and your metaphors are so unique! Nice job!
-
Feeling the "liitle balls of carbonation"
you toss to the reader, sucking in,
as stanzas shorten delightfully,
"kicking up our heels,"
"giggling and tossing"
and then lengthening again
as the weight of dependency
replaces frolicking with reality.
Hopefully new readers who find these words
will read further in your work, getting
caught up "behind the windshield."
Another wonder!
Aesthete
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Good write here
Penned as though it were happening right before us and yet to become fish within the glass together a cute muse here
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WOW
This is a unique view, and I like it. It is a very creative write, and it leaves me thinking. Thanks for your entry.
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