At deep
Where noise do not vibrate
May touch the floor
But do not reverberate
As light touching Black hole.
None can fathom the depths
The vastness of black hole
Among glittering stars
Reflections do not come back
For eyes to see and ears to hear.
River on pebbles
Makes the same sound
Through ages past
The sounds disappear
Only to reappear
As pebble strings
Strung by water
scours from silence.
Things marvelous
Flow in silence
Like soul before life
Giving a momentary feeling
but cannot translate them
into words and music
Author notes
Most of our travel is in silence, like souls journey before life manifests
A contest entry
- Without the words by Envelope.
4200 points, ended April 3, 2008, 15 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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ooooh i love your descriptivness with the pebbles and the water. i saw a lil stream in my mind. the concept of the poem just seems so broad and so open but i think you did an amazing job of simplifying it.... making it sound like there was nothing to it.... excellent job
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In line 2 : I think either changing "noise" to "noises" or "do" to "does" would be less grammatically confusing.
In line 8 : I don't think it's necessary to repeat the words "black hole" here, unless you've chosen it for effect .. simply "the vastness" would still carry the theme ..
In line 19 : I may be reading it incorrectly, if so, I apologise, but I think perhaps "scoured by" would be more correct, grammatically.
This is really a beautiful poem .. the story in it is very deep, and correct as well .. all the important things leave us speechless, because we know that there are no words for what really matters. -
A lovely write. I particularly liked the line, "Things marvelous flow in silence--Like soul before life"
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this is so wonderful. You have done so lovely here in this piece of writing. The depth here is amazing and I love the thought of a soul before it begins to have life. This is such an interesting take on this contest. You have really done well here and I wish you all the best for the contest.
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the grammar choice kinda threw me off at first, but after a closer look it worked well here. I've always been fascinated with the idea of black holes, and was intrigued by their use here. You left it open to interpretation, as if time itself is a blackhole, where no present moment can escape. The second half really added something new though, the contrast where instead there is a cycle, as opposed to an infinte abyss. You ended it with such a thought, of the soul before life. An incredible piece and what I was hoping to see
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very nice
Sounds rhythmic and smooth.
A bit like South Carolina's
shore on a quiet morning.
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