Biography of a Hippie

"Hug a treehugger, spread the love." - Dakotah


Dakotah
      If Dakotah were writing this biography, he would probably begin: ‘It’s not the north or the south Dakota.  "No its not!  It’s not the east or the west Dakota. No its no-wait, yes it is!  It is?  YA, West Dakotah!  Oh, now you tell me, why all the exclamation marks?  Exclamation marks rule!  Ok, I’m going to stand over here now.'  However, not being Dakotah, I will not start that way.  Wait a minute… dangit!
      Anyway, Dakotah is a great and power master of the force who began training under Yoga at six years old.  Since then he has lived an exciting life, whether attempting to comb his devilishly curly hair, or streaking naked down mainstreet.  He is best known as a hippie and is the founder of the Brotherhood of the Annoying Hippies of America (better known as hippies inc).  He has more alias’s than anyone alive, including: Daem, Curly, Hippy of the Mountains, Almighty Oak, Jesus, and oh its you.  Probably his lowest point in life was working as a stunt double for Frodo in Peter Jackson’s lord of the rings, but after almost getting run over by an Oliphant, resigned and moved to Bozeman Montana (where he actually lived all his life, but details aren’t important).

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Hippie of the Mountains:
      Scientists in 2007 confirmed that Dakotah Olson was indeed the Hippie of the Mountains that terrorized local Montana villages from 1887-1963.  How exactly this is possible is still a mystery as Dakotah was not born until well after the Hippie of the Mountain’s reign of terror, but he now openly admits that he was indeed that ferocious defender of all that is naked and promises he will “once again stalk the bushes and ride avalanches just like the good old days before the paper airplane was invented.”
      The press greeted this statement with terrified yelps and kicks to the groin.  Many of the very old and wrinkled people well remembered the Hippie of the Mountain’s rain of terror.  Following is an account of one such of those withered men; “The first thing I noticed was the smell, like he hadn’t showered in weeks.  Then all of the sudden there he was.  Running through the camp singing ‘Mr. Sandman’ at the top of his lungs.  I tried to yell at him to stop but he only sang louder to drown me out.  With every step of his feet, flowers bloomed, and when he flipped his hair back to the heavens laughing a rainbow came out of the sky and engulfed him, temporarily blinding me.  When the light subsided, he was prancing around my tent followed by all matter of woodland creatures, and next I knew he was riding off on a mountain lion.  I can’t believe I survived.” 
      Whatever happens, scientists are sure that when Dakotah resumes his old title of Hippie of the Mountains, the world will never be the same.  Redneck populations are predicted to drop by up to 30% and chipmunk populations are estimated to exceed seven hundred billion in Bozeman alone.

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Jesus:
      One of the more bizarre theories as to how Dakotah could have caused the Hippie of the Mountain terror before he was even born is that Dakotah is quite literally the embodiment of Christ (in a hippyish sort of way).  This has proved immensely popular among the seniors of Bozeman High School, who argue, “Why the hell not, if Jesus was a hippie, so can a hippie be Jesus.”  When the priests protested, saying Jesus was not a hippie, they responded “sure he was, he preached peace love and happiness, didn’t he?”  The priests replied that that was irrelevant at which the seniors just laughed.
      Dakotah has not officially denied or acknowledged that he is Jesus, but responds to the name readily enough. 

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Hippie Brotherhood
      Perhaps inspired by the seniors calling him Jesus, Dakotah Olson has formed his own Hippie Brotherhood, Hippies Inc., which has often been viewed as a mistake on his part.  They are arguably the most annoying group ever.  Cofounder Santa Clause has this to say about the hippie brotherhood: “I’ve always enjoyed being a hippie brother, skipping down the halls in unison, singing a different song for every person (and not hitting a single right note) at the top of our lungs in the school library, reciting youtube video’s in the cafeteria, and chucking the hackeysac at random passerbys.  I mean, who wouldn’t enjoy that?” 
      Hippie Inc. has now expanded greatly beyond Curly and Santa, and includes such members as Pikachu, Nato-Plato, Happy Sunshine Man, Mufasa, Godzilla, and Monkfish; all of which can be found in their natural habitat outside of Bozeman High’s school library (they got kicked out), or playing guitar hero in a basement.