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A Tepid Existence

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A Tepid Existence


No little girls room, the furnishings stark
she’s left on her own, a child of the dark,
a tepid existence, love’s left no mark,
no feelings given, not even a spark.

No pretty check curtains, windows are bare
just a hard bed, an old wooden chair,
no toys to play with, nothing to share
alone in her room, no one to care.

With tear stained cheeks, she tries to be brave
cowering from parents who just rant and rave,
though only a child she’s more of a slave
there is no way for this girl to behave.

In old tattered clothes she wont find a friend
even her teachers have no hope to lend,
with feeding herself, she's left to contend
there's no-one to love her, not even pretend.

Where is the warmth of one goodnight kiss,
just to be held, an undreamt of bliss,
these are the things that she’ll always miss,
how can a child be brought up like this?
 
 
 

 

Author notes


This poem came into existence as a direct result of a previous poem written for another contest. The poem is called Refugee and tells this little girls life as a teenager. Please find the link below.
http://allpoetry.com/poem/3914303

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 38 of 38

  • Pamela A Lamppa silver member
    April 17

    Edit | Reply
    Your form and meter are truly spot on.
    It flows smoothly when read and is of a subject that will move many.
    Beautifully done. A wonderful entry. ~Pamela


  • Gwenevere
    April 4

    Edit | Reply
    A very sad poem but a reminder of what many children face and worse.what a world we live in when these tiny mortals are not safe from the depravity of others.Well done you for bringing the subject into the light, Ros


  • Dalaney gold member
    March 24
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  • ecrivain01 silver member
    March 21

    Edit | Reply

    Good subject to write on ...

    and you've done a credible job, all in all. I am not normally taken with inverted lines:

    with feeding herself she has to contend

    (feeding herself, she's left to contend
    with no one to love her, not even pretend.)

    otherwise, not a bad job.


  • lunarmist 53
    March 20
    Edit | Reply

    I tip my hat, I concede, this is a winner , a heart -renting read.

    good luck in round three,

    alan.


  • Peter Greenslade gold member
    March 19

    Edit | Reply
    this is so topical and emotive,,so many childen are neglected in broken homes,, this poem is so powerful snd sad, your best ever,,, very best of luck xx


  • tawk gold member
    March 18

    Edit | Reply
    I just read and commented on your other amazing and heartfelt write. As I said before abuse of anykind to anyone needs to be stopped. It really scars those for the rest of their lives I know this to be true. Amazing imagery and emotion within. I hope this did not happen to you. Good luck in the contest Theresa


  • Lily otv
    March 18

    Edit | Reply
    I find this poem exteremely sad as this is a situation I deal with through my work on a daily basis. Children tend to master the art of hidding this type of upbringing but it will usually surface eventually with the help of good training and keen eyes. There are very few cases where evidence is so clear cut that neglect can be pinpointed without a doubt and unfortunately some children suffer this kind of abuse for a very long time. I will refrain from saying more or i'll be writing a book here but I can say your poem is very realistic and draws on raw emotions that touch my heart. Good luck in the contest.


  • Allan Emery gold member
    March 18
    Edit | Reply
    Impressive. Powerful and moving. Excellent work.


  • Haunted-Memory silver member
    March 18

    Edit | Reply

    Phenomenal Write

    I use the word Phenomenal in the context of this poem being amazing. Yet will also use Phenomenal in the text as it is remarkable that in today’s day and age this sort of existence still thrives in many a home behind closed doors. I weep tears for these children as a parent. I have children that can be really hard going and have had my fare share of problems with them but even through all of that cannot see how a person could not love their own child and leave them in this state of none existence. This poem is sad and powerful at the same time showing those who are blind to this fact the reality of its actuality. I applaud you in so many ways for producing this and posting for the eyes of the world to read. Who knows it may even make a parent wake up to themselves if this is their Childs situation. Good luck in this contest Brian.


  • Amera gold member
    March 18

    Edit | Reply
    This is incredibly well done. The emotional image you paint hurt me. Perfect form and meter that simply drilled its way into my heart; I'm very impressed.

    Love,
    Amera♥


  • Wayne Leon Learmond
    March 18

    Edit | Reply
    There are many children who go through/have been through the same thing. A very heartbreaking and heart-wrenching piece of writing here. Very powerful and thought-provoking, it conjures up many images of children left to fend for themselves. Self-preservation is the name of the game.

    Very well written indeed
    Wayne Leon

  • LovesStrength
    March 18

    Edit | Reply
    This indeed is full of impact and emotion. Bravo on speaking out on behalf of them that have been injured, forgotten, But will agree, many have come out of it stronger then ever and have moved on to live productive lives. I am impressed with this piece and the one I seen below in response to yours by Passionspromise. Two voices, one dream, being heard.

    Keep up the great work.

    Shannon


  • frownsnfreckles
    March 18

    Edit | Reply
    It always makes my heart stagger to think that a mother can feel nothing for her child. It has got to be the saddest state in existence because it perpetuates from one generation to the next. There are some things that can't be taught in a classroom and we don't pay enough attention to positive instincts in a modern material world.
    'she's left on her own, a child of the dark,
    a tepid existence, love's left no mark.

    . Rewarded 8

  • TwoBoo
    March 18

    Edit | Reply
    this is a great write.... but we all must not forget as many children/adults are lost and forgotten, many of these children do grow up to be wonderful adults/people, from their own tragedy many become others life lessons and life lines... if one keeps thinking they are victims then they will not know how to survive without abuse... i wonder how many of us who after having read this... change one thing tomorrow to make another child's/persons life a little happier and safer?...words are great in talk... it is the doing most of us fail in ...

    i applaud you... well done

  • onesugar silver member
    March 18

    Edit | Reply
    This used to be how much of my life was like many moons ago. So I can relate to what you have put here. How do people get away with bringing children up like this? I could never turn a blind eye to a child in a situation like this. You have done a great job with this Sue. Heartwrenching, sad and tragic. Good luck with the contest. Love ~sugar~

    . Rewarded 6


  • KitLynn
    March 18
    Edit | Reply

    Touching.

    This was wonderfully written. It shows what most chose to ignore or hide.

  • Bad Bill
    March 18

    Edit | Reply
    A very moving and strongly-written poem, Sue, which is, unfortunately, all too real for many children. Well done for reminding us of such tragic lives.

    Bill


  • XxContinualSlinkyxX
    March 18

    Edit | Reply
    ok u dont know my name or anything about me...but yet u just put my whole life into words...for that i thank u...do keep up the good work!

    . Rewarded 4


  • kvwriter silver member
    March 18

    Edit | Reply
    This brings tears to my eyes. The sadness in the write and the reality are of profound depth. What an unimaginable existence, yet an existence that cycles over and over and over again.

    We can't turn a blind eye. None of us has that right, to be honest. I sure won't and I haven't.

    Thank you for sharing this, Sue, because it could very well help save even one child from a nightmare like you just penned.

    Thank you!
    Much Love,
    Kelly


  • moonbumps silver member
    March 18

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    Par excellence my dearest Suz...nothing can top this sad, poignant write.
    Love Hilly
    xxx

  • Paula X
    March 18

    Edit | Reply
    Unbelievably sad, devastating the reality that there are children in that exact situation right now, makes me want to scoop up all children and take them to a safe warm place

  • Mairi bheag gold member
    March 18

    Edit | Reply
    I hate to come in after a long run of comments - it has all been said. I think this is a strong, bold use of form and rhyme, Sue. Sustained rhyme packs a lot of clout - just listen to rappers. Do well in the contest.

    . Rewarded 4


  • Zraiiah
    March 18

    Edit | Reply

    Wow

    Awww! It's so sad. You truely got a good grasp on this girl's life and expressed it in so few words wonderfully. I want to hug her! You're an amazing poet, keep up the good work. <3

    . Rewarded 4


  • nichtmich silver member
    March 18

    Edit | Reply
    A sad and painful poem. It tells a terrible story of a life that is being tossed away. No chance, no hope, doesn't even know what to hope for. Excellent flow and rhyme. The companion piece is just as good and offers a trembling hope. Well done.

    . Rewarded 4


  • DLC-Jem gold member
    March 18

    Edit | Reply
    As a child raised without love, it has made love I have found as an adult very difficult, but extremely precious. This is so beautiful and sad, touching many things deep in me.

    . Rewarded 4


  • Legend silver member
    March 18

    Edit | Reply
    Excellent in its sadness I recall reading the other poem a while ago.You most certainly have a way of putting over such pieces.As i have said excellent Good luck in the contest

  • Hazel59
    March 18
    Edit | Reply
    Heartfelt and touching. H

  • kiwigirljacks gold member
    March 18

    Edit | Reply
    It is so sad that some children are brought up this way.. without love. I often think people should have to get a 'warrant of parental fitness' before they have children!!!

    I felt this so deep Sue... such a beautifully written piece.


  • midnite wolf silver member
    March 18

    Edit | Reply
    very hurtful but so powerful, too many kids grow up like this, this is a great write, it about time people spoke out instead of living in blissful ignorance, just sweping it all under the rug.

  • Rudolf
    March 18

    Edit | Reply
    Hurtful to read, but very well said
    kids all alone, hungery unfed
    no one to love, or love them back
    they feel like thorns, in parents back
    rudolf

    . Rewarded 4


  • Yoshee
    March 17
    Edit | Reply
    itz sad
    {Yoshee}

  • Lady Altheia
    March 17

    Edit | Reply
    That picture just cries out to me. Too many stories are like this. I will say what I said on Passion's poem. People should earn a liscnese to parent.

  • PassionsPromise gold member
    March 17

    Edit | Reply
    Hope its okay, this piece brought forth my pen,, I indeed felt every word and loved the way you done this. I had to write my comment in poetic style as well..I will be posting it and addin your link i think its worthy of so much...my words could never be enough to say what i feel about this...

    Existence

    No longer a life of hope just fear,
    evidence shown is perfectly clear.
    A body so little, cries on deaf ear,
    so many see it, between the tears.

    Room is empty; nothing is left here,
    away from the dark, they will steer.
    Parent’s belligerent, drunk on beer
    words loud, their bluntness severe.

    Broken down, her little life stripped.
    Dark shadows; her clothes are ripped
    painfully she cries, her mind flipped.
    Emotionally this baby isn’t equipped.

    From abusive wounds, pain dripped.
    Running and hiding, her life slipped,
    wild with fury, these parents tripped,
    damaging all in her path, heart split.

    A little girl I would love to hug and kiss,
    wrap her in my arms, show her loves bliss.
    Wipe away all the tears, I wish to do this.
    I know of another child, whom I do miss.

    …the one that had to grow up, before she had to…



    Thanks Sue for the inspiration,
    Love,
    Passions

    . Rewarded 8


  • Perception
    March 17

    Edit | Reply
    Oh wow.. This is wonderfully written... So sad... I love the descriptions.. It really draws out the emotions... I love how this is done.. So heartfelt and sad...

  • Woodchuck4400 silver member
    March 17

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    This is an excellent piece. It is very sad. Incredible rhyming. Unfortunately, this rings all to true. Best of luck with the contest.

    . Rewarded 4


  • cricketjeff gold member
    March 17

    Edit | Reply
    You are a master of what I think is really a new "form" Quad rhyme used to emphasise pain and suffering is remarkable I have never thought it would step outside the comic arena but it is a new device in your hands.
    Well penned master poet.
    And I do hope your little victim gets a happy life in the end.


  • breedluv silver member
    March 17
    Edit | Reply
    Sue....welcome to the Dark Side. This is strong in a way I've not seen from you. Remarkable rhyme.

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