The verses already
Begin to take form
In cursive writing.
They weave a tale
Across her simple mind,
As he holds her eyes
The words sparkle
The images dazzle
And she feels weak
Falling to her knees
Bruised but pleased
At the bond's release
Finally, his eyes let go
She stumbles back
Free falling into time
Over the edge alone
She smiles and will wait
Reaching out with words
From her mind they strike
Not physical, but firm
Their strength untold
Wound tight at the ends
Fluidly flowing till then
Yet he cannot grasp them
Like silk they are
Like breath in his hand
Ink stains his palm's creases
Foreign shapes, misplaced
In his ignorant eyes
What funny lines, he muses
A vertical line, a right angle
To the right, a shape
The shape of the ring promises
To his finger, a triangle
Missing its straight top
What is that, a comb?
No longer amused, he stands confused
Just what was that
Distant memory trying to say?
The line broke suddenly
He was left holding the words
Stretched to some distance
All the way to--nothing
Still, the words eluded him
The solution would come too late
Words of unrequited love
Wove their way through
His fingers, into his ring
She just couldn't wait any longer
And now he could hold the lead burden
Of a confusing and painful word
Author notes
Wheeeee
I liked the way this started better than how it finished but beggars can't be choosers and I'm not totally displeased with the outcome, so I'm happy enough
Honest opinions please
A contest entry
- For my Favorites! by Clinging-to-Life.
300 points, ended April 10, 2008, 6 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think for a cookie!
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
-
I think the beginning is great, the middle so-so, and the ending good. Overall, this is one of the better poems I have read today.
-
I like it! I will have to come back and applaud when I have more points :] This was great and very symbolic to me... Good write!
-
I like it. I would read it again, even. I just might. I wish that I had more points so that I could applaud. I give it three jumping clappy thingies:
-
I like what you are saying, but it is TOO simple!! I want more creative styling of words, and more intricate words themselves! More details! More interesting detail! Well, what can I say, I have high demands... for everyone
Don't worry about it, this piece is great... It has a very good beginning ~ it really draws you in and the ending is good too... I liked it...
Great job
-
I really liked this. The beginning was great and I thought the ending was too. You just lost me somewhere in the middle- too wordy I think. But overally well done!
-
Hmm..interesting write. I like the metaphors used. since you want honest oppinions I shall give it. It seems a few lines are out of place, doesnt seem like it really flows. But I love the story your words express without actually telling the person what the story is about. Very nice write over all
thanks for entering this contest!!!
-
If you are happy with it, that is all that matters.
Is somebody in love? 
lol
You can always edit the parts that you don't like. If you need help with that, you can IM.
This turns out so tragic leading up to the end.
- Aly
Adding your comment:
1 - 7 of 7
