Arabella shrinks:
compact inside
a mêlée of emotion;
does not try
to un-fist her back
but waits,
like an angry patient,
for the birth-kick
to unfurl – gut to gullet –
and spew itself
free in a scream.
In a list
A contest entry
- "they said all teenagers scare the living shit out of me, so darken your clothes and strike a violent pose." invite only. by Ryno.
450 points, ended April 1, 2008, 5 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Constructive criticism welcome.
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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This is a powerful one for sure. Its a kick in the gut thats in the gullet.
Your word play for the images is astonishing, and makes us relate to the piece on so much levels that its ingenious.
My favourite part was "to un-fist her back" as that image stuck out.
This one was short but strong and really made me feel something incredible - the burden of fear - but also mixed with sadness.
Thank-you for the entry. -
And what a fear it can be, lol reminds me of a story my mom told
I like the "mêlée of emotion" bit
***...
nice!
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now this one hits hard and bites some of your ear off like Mike Tyson. it smacks like knuckles on flesh.
i see a lot of violence in this one, and causes me to wonder at the inspiration.
love the final lines, as there's nothing that cleanses like a good primal scream
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Like Michelangelo's David, the energy is so much more than the mass.
atoms splitting
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This one delivers a powerful punch - wow!! And it's even more powerful because of the brevity. Great metaphorical piece you have here and the visuals of "birth-kick to unfurl" and those last two lines are superb.
I've lived through my own teenage years and through 3 teenagers of my own, lol. And the social worker in my says anger in a child is mostly the result of some kind of emotional pain... it does soften the kick and the scream when one looks at it that way
!!
I agree with Wanda - you are just damn good!!!
~ Nicolette
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This is a kick in the head.
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"does not try
to un-fist her back
but waits"
Dammmnnn. I guess that's gonna be my general, initial, instinctive reaction whenever I read your work, my Friend. 
Geez, you're good. 
Wanda
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