You were but a shout within a tempest
A momentary castle in the sand
Believing fate would let you last forever
At least that was the way you'd had it planned
But shouting is no better than a whisper
And castles in the sand are doomed to fall
When stricken by the waves of trepidation
As rumbling storms of living come to call
Funny, how you never saw the forest
Hidden there behind those many trees
I guess you didn't want to find the truth
Preferring lies to leaves, too blind to see
The times that were more precious than forever
The days of love and laughter that were then
And once they're gone they're gone, no going back
You'll never know that kind of love again.
Shouting is no better than a whisper
As rumbling storms of living come to call
When stricken by the waves of trepidation
A castle in the sand is sure to fall
Believing fate would let you last forever
At least that was the way you'd had it planned
You were just a shout within a tempest
A momentary castle in the sand
Rakerman1
A contest entry
- best prewrites by dory.
500 points, ended July 30, 2008, 89 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A contest just because I want to comment people. by AutumnsFlame.
400 points, ended May 29, 51 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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I thought this was beautiful. The whole idea of "momentary castles" sounds very poetic, and there is some beautiful images in this. Very nice! Thank you for entering my contest.
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Hate to be picky but you have a typo in line 4 'they' instead of 'the' and you could do with a bit of punctuation. Liked the poem though good imagery and some powerful lines particularly the start of the 3rd verse. Emotionally I think I can relate to it, unrequited love, lost love, something that might have been or almost was or was for a short while. It presses lots of buttons.
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a man with a big heart...
's for your heart and soul today!!
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