to you, i'm favorable
to me, you act like satan
to her, i'm a prostitute
savage is the language you teach
bitter are the words you speak
depressed is how i'm feeling now
as my aching heart erodes
your memories turn to mulch
it's obvious you don't care
tolerating you is so hard
betraying is your talent
apologies never came to mind
now i'm being led astray
by the waft of a new hope
leaving my future unforseen for now
Author notes
this was a random poem that spontaneously combusted itself onto the paper.....i think it really sux but i'll guess i'll see in this contest....
this poem deals with a lost love of a person and how they really wish that they can start over with someone else....
it stills sux, no matter how much you look at it. i need critical comments on how to make this poem a whole lot better than it is right now!!!!!! please help!!!!!! (desperately needs critical comments -_-)
thank you, Sachiro K
A contest entry
- Yet another word bank by DeadlyPoetic88.
1625 points, ended March 21, 2008, 5 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
this is my word bank entry....you like?
Comments
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Check speeling: "prostitute" not prostitite. To me it's kind of abstract as a whole, but i love the flow of it. Great work
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I think that you've used the words to the best of your ability. I think that you need to work on flow a little. I did enjoy this though. I think it had a lot of thought and meaning behind it. I think this is how many people feel about their poetry. That it just appeared the way it is. I know that is how I feel about my poetry all of the time. Lol THis was a very thought provoking write. I found myself thinking a lot about things that have mande me felt like this. Each of your lines convey interesting thoughts. I really enjoyed this. Keep writing. Read this out loud and work on the flow. Put imagery intot the poem. I know you can do it!! Keep up the fantasic job. Dani
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