Eyes cast down,
All heads nodding in synch.
I watch the readers in the train.
Here a thriller in cyrillic,
There the Koran in Arabic,
Die Welt flutters and
In my own pocket Francis Bacon rests.
Telepathy across time and space,
Brings us messages,
Formulated in the minds of others.
We move in the physical plane,
And on the mental plane,
Consume insight and emotion.
The words whisper out,
From transported minds.
Here and yet simultaniously elsewhere.
At the end of each journey,
We alight somewhere new.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Wow, this is wonderful! I absolutely love how you show how we are all connected, yet we choose different paths, like the different books we read. I'm not sure why, but I absolutely love the imagery of a train, because I can imagine this journey that we take together, however individual it is.
. Rewarded 6
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"The words whisper out,
From transported minds.
Here and yet simultaniously elsewhere."
simultaniously = simultaneously
other than that well said! I believe I know of what you speak....pen on poet!!
Creatress
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Public Transport
Hello there.
I enjoyed reading your free-verse poem about public transport and personal transportation. The details about what the passengers were reading was good. I always like it when I see somebody reading poetry on a train or bus, although it doesn't happen all that often.
I also like the language you use, especially as the nouns and verbs are not weighed down with modifiers.
The poem ends quite well as there is an internal change as well as a new destination.
Good stuff!
Have an awesome day,
BJ.
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I really like this. It just makes me think about how all the silent people all have their own thoughts and worlds just like mine.
It seems people are always connecting to each other, whether or not we notice the connection.
. Rewarded 4
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Not bad. You might want to go into greater detail though about how everyone is effected by the different things they read, and you may also show that they need what they read, for one reason or another. Also looking into their minds a bit can be helpful as well. In my experience, those who read are frequently looking for Life's answers, so you might want to show how this is the case for each person. That will lengthen your poem, but in my opinion that's a good thing in this case because as it stands it's just a little too short to quite have the impact I think it can. So all in all, pretty good, but I hope you consider my suggestions. - ocerus
. Rewarded 8
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Kool, i found this poem very interesting, it confused me at first but then i understood it....you did a wonderful job on this poem though,....it flowed good and it brought good images with the words you chose....Great job, keep up the great work!!!
Becca
. Rewarded 6
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