So im not feeling my best sweetie its true
My life as now is up to you,
Cause I don’t know anymore of what to do
I love you
Im feeling cold and empty its true tonight baby can it be just me and you
Yea..I know it may be wrong but I need you to night
So will stay by my side will you be strong
Because im feeling pretty weak and I can hardly even speak
Yea, I know its all a lie but will you tell me it will be ok
Will you say that you love me just for one day
Sweetie im counting on you to help me pull through
Tell me what your going to do
No please don’t leave me im begging you to stay
Im feeling not my self and I don’t know what ill do if you go away
I might just pull that trigger I may just cut the vein because right now
You’re the only thing in this world keeping me some what sane
So will you stay by my side will you be strong
Because im feeling pretty weak and I can hardly speak
Yea, I know its all a lie but will you tell me it will be ok
Will you say that you love me just for one day
Sweetie im counting on you to help me pull through
So tell me what are you going to do…
Sweetie I love you!
What Can I Do To Improve This?
Comments
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very good poem
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Nice Lyrical Flow,
You may want to spell check it, and go over it a bit just to read the piece roll of your own tongue, and sometimes you can improve verses just by doing that. Overall, you have poured a-lot of emotions into this piece, and I can see where your heart would rather except a lie, because even though this road is a dead end street, sometimes we just wish to live a fantasy, rather than the harsh realities we sometimes have to face in this world when it comes to life and love.
A Good Piece~
Dad.
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