if i could push back the hands
until the mainspring breaks and
opens a path through time
i'd spin them round and around
leave today for the long trek back
through minefields of mistakes
as years blurred past i'd hold
only one thought in mind
one gelid moment of loss
and here i'd stop and here
shatter the tensile pane
of memory and with all my strength
claw through that thick fabric
of regret forcing my way back
back into that old skin
she may think it a vision then
a wild waking dream a hail of
grim potentials come to mind
but even then her drug-fogged mind
would halt would reflect would think
twice about leaving you alone
even then she'd forget that miserable
high and rage through cold-sweat
nights of intractable withdrawal
even then with that blood-chilled future
hanging fresh like a widow's web
in the door frame of memory
she'd snap to attention realize
the value of your existence and
see to your wide-eyed needs
were lost before she groveled up
that slick muddy bank of recovery
but you were left with shadows that
crept from the wall to your bedside
and beneath the covers there to darken
your eyes your thoughts your heart
your treasured innocence
with acrid shame turned acid rage
and though i've found my love for you
hidden deep in that now dissipated fog
of liquid-doubt and pill-confusion
i'm late… too late to protect your precious
soul and all i have to offer now is
the hope of a future much improved










16 old applause
