A moment's glance, trap my soul in trance,
like biblical tale of serpentine spell;
Shredding the shrouds, of foreboding feel,
I fall to depths of devouring love.
Author notes
sunflowerpoet
Alliteration, simile and internal rhyme within 30 words.
A contest entry
- Challenges Round [Wild Card - INVITE ONLY] by Naridill.
525 points, ended March 21, 2008, 7 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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You worked the three into this well. It compliments the flow well. And I agree with Chandni with the last word - but apart from that this is beautifully penned and the phrasing beforehand is stark and stunning.
Good luck,
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Your first three lines were very strong. Nothing feel forced until I read the last line. "Love" is kind of a cliché word in iself [without considering the action itself] so that became the weak joint of your poem - not weak, just weak in comparison with the rest. I also felt that "trap" could have been taken away as it felt like a motuhful there. Otherwise, this is good
Never ♥ -
I like this, best of luck.
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