can't quite see
through March's dismay
through the blue-black girlie
demeanor i hide behind
from you
don't tell me you love me
don't tell me it's written in the stars
or behind your eyes
when January ran through my mind
i remembered you
you spoke to me in deep, scarlet tones
with your head in the clouds
and your eyes
on my heart
ready to burn
i saw your dog three weeks ago
when i walked through the rain
when it was February and
you still had me captured
i could smile then
i felt the grass between my toes today
the warm blades tickled my feet
the chartreuse, emerald colors
mix across the ground
when i tried to walk away from you
this isn't what you wanted, is it?
this is something you stole from me
and you just turned from me
tore the leaves apart with haste
your anger exploded on me
this time it's true
last October you were my body and soul
now you're just my broken heart
don't tell me you love me
don't tell me it's written in the stars
Author notes
this is long i know.
name: take.your.time
Colors: blue, black, scarlet, chartreuse, emerald.
Months: March, January, February.
Emotions: dismay, love, anger.
Gender-based word: girlie.
Plant/Animal words: dog, grass, leaves.
Last/Favorite word: Stars [this is a long definition so here's the link] http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/stars
A contest entry
- A Different Kind of Word Bank by Polaja.
1400 points, ended May 6, 2008, 17 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 23 of 23
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A very interesting poem. I love the format you used and the imagery is superb.
All the best in the contest...Sue
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W.O.W. Unusual form but I love it. It works. I can totally relate. Great job and good luck!!!
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Interesting. I rather enjoyed this. It was different. Nice write.
Good luck in the contest. 
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Love the passing of time in this one. Such a sad story
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I like your expressions on the Month's, colors and emotions. This is a good write. Good luck in the contest.
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You portrayed very convincingly the emotions of dismay, love and anger in this poem. The run of your thoughts provided the form, and I like the way it looks, set out on the page. I responded to the colours used, emerald evokes rich fantasy for me.
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I can feel anger bursting out through the lines of this poem, a frightening amount, but put so delicately together in the poem.
Well done! -
This both looks good on the page and sounds good. Perhaps the months are just a touch artificial but I liked "March's dismay"
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I like the imagery in this piece
the only thing that I thought was a little out of place was where you mentioned the dog - but then this poem does seem to be a stream of thoughts kind of poem and in that case it makes sense... the inclusion of the words was done well thank you for your entry!
Keep writing
Polly
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Heartfully written.
Best wishes in the contest!
Write on.
*PEACE*
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It's so sweet and lovely poem. I don't know why it reminds me of e.e.cummings style of writing. may be because the punctuation is not given much importance. I always feel that poetry a feeling and not a rule.. this is the best example. It flows very good. reading isn't stopped anywhere till the end. Emotions are captured so beautifully in here. 'scarlet tones' - a very good phrase.
Thanks for sharing.
Love
-kiddy
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There is so much emotion, anger, sadness and perhaps a little frustration. I like the metaphors and imagery. Great write!
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I love the metaphores you have used here. You have painted a vivid picture in my mind. A very angry/sad poem.... I especially like the phrase "don't tell me it's written in the stars" it denotes the character's disbelief in fate, and that he/she still has hope, I think that hope is an important factor in love. good luck in the contest.
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So angry and yet so sad! The imagery is amazing, and I love the repetition of 'don't tell me you love me/don't tell me it's written in the stars', it really emphasises the feeling of destruction of illusions that the rest of the poem so beautifully depicts.
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i just wanted to let you know that this really touched me. it reminds me of the message in a couple of my poems. i really kind of wanted to cry when i read this because i can relate that much. you should take a look at some of my poems. i think you could relate alot
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thank you so much. i'll definitely check you out.
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i just wanted to let you know that this really touched me. it reminds me of the message in a couple of my poems. i really kind of wanted to cry when i read this because i can relate that much. you should take a look at some of my poems. i think you could relate alot
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I randomly read this and was in complete shock as you described in perfect detail what I am going through right down to the months. Holy cow, get out of my head! Really, thank you for this it is great.
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wow
i'm glad this affected you. whether good or bad, this poem was really difficult for me to write and i'm glad it spoke to you. thank you.
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What a word bank you had to use here and then the other additions that had to be included. Think you dad an awesome job at this.
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This is a very nice poem. Not too too long. Not as long as the sad goodbye you depicted here. The visiual form is very different. Best of luck in the contest.
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um, wow. ^^ this is fantastic. i love this entire poem, so i can't just say i like this part or that part. i am at loss for words.
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wow
Quite an awesome write you have done. So heartfelt. Best of luck in the contest!
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