My fragile blossom
Someday you will grow wings
And fly away
My delicate angel
Someday your mold will grow too tight
And melt away
My gentle child
Someday you will leave me
And travel with golden wings
A contest entry
- Promote Your Best, And Get comments while you're at it by RyanosaurusWrecks.
7015 points, ended April 23, 2008, 22 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - THE BEST OF YOUR BEST by Whispering Wind.
900 points, ended April 16, 2008, 28 entries
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315 points, ended June 6, 2008, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Time stands still for noone by marciakay81.
525 points, ended May 30, 2008, 13 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Guaranteed Comments! II by Nam.
1750 points, ended June 8, 2008, 94 entries
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375 points, ended July 29, 2008, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 37 of 37
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well expressed... but I have to rethink about second stanza to understand the actual meaning and why you have expressed that...
Best wishes and good luck,
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Beautiful! Inspirational and the metaphors give lovely emphasis. I loved reading it. Lovely work!!
~Emily~ xx
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A nice set of contemporary senryu's that you have written here.
-Nam
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Really seemed unfinished to me. Its almost as if the poem was started in the middle and was never given a beginning or end. Though I still enjoyed the message. Good luck in the contest!
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very nice. thanks for entering.
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Aww. That was pretty. Good luck on the contest.
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Our most precious gifts come to us is little bundles and then leaves us with golden wings...the knowing a head of time shelters a little sadness hidden deep within...Beautiful my friend just beautiful...Niaish for sharing and for entering
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So few words...but so full of emotion. Short and sweet. Wonderful! Good luck in the contest. I think you deserve to win something and if you don't, know that this is a truly great write.
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as usual, I am touched by your expression of what's in your heart. beautiful!
Kathryn -
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Thank you so much. I am very happy to get positive feedback on my poems. Thanks again
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thank you so much for the kind comment
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wow this is grreat!! GOOD LUCK IN THE CONTEST!! AND WOW THIS IS SO VERY BEUTIFULLY WRITTEN! WOW!! GREAT JOB!! KEEP UP THE GREAT JOB!!
agree with this comment:I loved this!!! especially
'Someday your mold will grow too tight'
Growing up, breaking out of the protective mold ~ finding yourself. Poetry that leads a reader to think beyond the words, back to the poet’s thoughts. .
so totally agree!
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I really like this, its so full of affection. I can tell that you really care for the person this poem is about.
Good luck in the contest! -
heartfelt
I loved this!!! especially
'Someday your mold will grow too tight'
Growing up, breaking out of the protective mold ~ finding yourself. Poetry that leads a reader to think beyond the words, back to the poet’s thoughts. . .
love it, love it!
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I like the caterpillar references this is a pretty poem, I like the imagery and the repitition... good luck in the contest!
Keep writing
Polly -
Ohhh I loved this very short, but meaningful poem. Your metaphors were good. Your title was perfect for the content. Best wishes.
Shana
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Ooooh! So pretty! I loved the imagery here and the pure beauty. Amazing write. Good luck in the contest.
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Awe! I can see this, almost like a parents losing there child that is growing up to fast for them. Watching as they disappeared from a child to a strong young adult and leaving them for life. I loved it! And I loved how you worded it all.
My fragile blossom
Someday you will grow wings
And fly away
^^ My favorite right there.
Great job! And good luck in the contest. -
very nice , meaning, and a very nice flow, this is a great poem , the beginning caught my eye, made me finish it, nice
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this was very nice depiction of life cycles and boundless energies encirculating a theme of loss. lovely to read
jezz
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This is sweet but everyone gets old and has to deal with this. Great write on the subject hope you get lots of comments
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Conflicting emotions here, I see my kids grow up, but yet hate to see it happen, a very nice depiction here, could be seen in many instances in life, Great job and good luck in the contest.
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nicely penned here...i like how it's short and not as long as others but it's very sweet. nicely done. best of luck in the contest.
~Dani~ -
this is lovely. It seems fragile like the child you write about. Nice.
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interesting. yet lovely. very nice write.
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It's beautiful. That first line is quite powerful and sets the tone for the rest of the poem. I relate to this poem since I'm graduating soon. I should show this to my mom...Haha. It's a beautiful piece to which many can relate. Best of luck. -R.T
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Lovely little piece. Made me think about my children growing up and moving on.
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i liked the title... and i liked how you wrote about growing up and having to leave our parents... except from a parent viewpoint.
my only suggestion would be not to use wings twice in the shorter poem. good luck in the contest.
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wow... this is like really mature and shit.
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Beautiful Wrtie
I glad I got to read this poem as it uplifted my spirits as I'm feeling very frustrated right now w/ one of my own. Thanks for sharing this w/ me
Take care, Michele
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When a child grows up and leaves home, we can only hope they find happiness and live life eto its fullest. They then make the choices, and we no longer have much say in what they do. Liked the flow of this short poem and the sentiment syou have expressed so well in these lines. Easy to read and understasnd as well.
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this might be a good poem for the brides father on her wedding day. nice poem.
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very short and sweet. it just completely warms my heart at the sensual, sweetness of it!good luck in the contest!
x3
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A beautiful piece!
It's hard to let a child go, every parent knows that.
Such a painful molded into beauty!
Great Job! Keep it up!
>>My gentle child
Someday you will leave me
And travel with golden wings
Gold wings that should take that far!
awesome job!
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Excellent
Oh wow!!!!!!!
What a wonderful and beautifully penned piece of poetry.
Best of luck to you in the contest.
Well done.
Keep up with the great work.
Keep on penning.
Thank you so very much for sharing your talents with us.
*S* Cynthia -
from nature to human life, eventually all the young must leave, sadly
thank you for your interest in this contest, i wish you the best
and per guidelines, dont forget to comment on each others entries...OH, AND YOUR placing is at stake? that part is priceless!! made me smile -
This is a delicate, innocent write that really stretches out and grabs the reader's attention. I like the middle stanza the best. It really speaks to me.
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