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Torture

Torture
As sleep is disturbed
And wracked with relentless thought,
With eyes bold and peeled to reach
Delicate inner fruits, brightened
And transparent fires;
Torture
As sleep settles
And looks to continue
Inward toward the dark,
As one and two become
Six and seven,
And numbers follow, never-ending;
Torture
As sleep becomes continuous deliberation,
Becomes absent,
Becomes abundant,
Is but a rising and setting
State of being

Author notes

My previous explanation is no longer applicable.
But I did write it when I didn't know what to do about you: when I had a love who loved me...but wasn't an item with me, and asked me to do what was best. Either way, you did a fine job of keeping me confused and having my neck crane toward you rather than my love for a good while
Now, however, I've moved on from my dilema between you and him. There's no way anything could defeat love. Whatever I was thinking is now over, and it's for the best. I'm at my love's side and you at yours. But I will still allow this piece to be dedicated to you.

Anyway...
For John.

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • individuality gold member
    April 10, 2008

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    a good piece of poetry you have penned with grace and style, great dark imagery used here to portray how you think and feel in life.


  • luckynsincere
    March 25, 2008

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    WOW! Utterly intense!! I love that you pushed through all the emotions on this poem. Well expressed and nicely chosen words! I enjoyed it. It was short, but completely packed with power!

    At the close of this contest... there will be a link to a group. It is required that you join to continue in this competition.

    GREAT work! and we look forward to reading more of you.


    Sincerely,
    Mel


  • LadyDementia gold member
    March 24, 2008

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    A very intense and sincere piece. Packed with imagery and emotions. Love the style of this, a superb poem. All the best in the contest


  • Arkbear gold member
    March 18, 2008

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    Nice job ~

    You have left out all of the *Filler Words*.....and what a grrreat entry this became :)

     

    Love the Tone in your write....loved the Flow and really dug the fact that you got to the point and did not back down from your feelings....no matter how personal.....and you didn't rant and rave either....no matter the feelings from your AN......very nice job ~

     

    I am not a fan of Capping each line, unless it is metered or ending before new thoughts ~

     

    Your metaphoric tone is done soooo well.....I think I am leaning toward a new favorite in this contest....but you will have to fight hard and spill some incredible ink over the next few weeks to prove you can win this Challenge ~

     

    You are going to pen against some really good writers.....and personally, from what I just read, I'll make a bet now.....I think you are going to be in the top 3 after the Final Round ~

     

    Great job on this entry, and always remember to stay focused on your Theme as you have done here ~

     

    You're going to do just fine :)

     

    Bear ~


  • azlyn gold member
    March 16, 2008

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    Again Daughter...hear the voice of your heart!!! As always...lovely honest write. If life were easy...everyone would win!!!

    Hug~
    Mom

1 - 5 of 5