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The Pieces

I keep you in my closet
The pieces that I have
The things you left behind
Before you said goodbye
I keep you in my closet
So no one else can see
Every part that resembles you
And how you used to be

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 24 of 24

  • The Fun House silver member
    August 16

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    Profound image and statement in closing on this piece. I can easily step inside of it and feel it. Great job.


  • UncleDunk gold member
    August 1
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    Great poem. Dark and full of double meanings.


  • cazzy71
    July 11

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    Liking this

    I am liking this.I like it very much.I can find no awkward parts,and the length is perfect.The message came through and I enjoyed the background color and the whole feel of this piece.


  • cybilseyes silver member
    July 5
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    beautiful write thanks for your entry!
    XO
    Cyb


  • Sarah957
    July 3, 2008
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    This was a really good poem. You said so much between the lines, and the closet angle was genius


  • Voodoo Eyes
    June 23, 2008
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    Very nice! So much is said in so little an amount of words. Thank you for the entry!


  • Blooming Poet
    June 12, 2008

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    This is very short, but it says so much and at the same time leaves so much unsaid and I think that works very well in this case. the repeat of the first line again really made it clear what you were feeling.


  • kitty23
    June 4, 2008

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    wow
    sounds like you are phsyco lol

    im serious though it does sound that way

    i like the line that says
    "So no one else can see
    Every part that resembles you
    And how you used to be."
    great job
    thank you for entering my contest and sharing your poem wiht me
    keep up the great work
    Kitty23



  • GypsyEyes
    June 2, 2008

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    this is very beautiful! i love how you packed so much emotion in few lines. thank you so much for entering my contest and i wish you the best of luck! ~CarnalNineTailedFox


  • whits end silver member
    May 30, 2008
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    This is really, really cool. A very unique piece that I enjoyed immensely.


  • Intricate Wordsmith
    May 28, 2008
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    Good luck in my contest.


  • Cat10
    May 19, 2008

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    thank you for entering! very short...but very good! I really like this poem! you did a nice job! good luck in the contest!


  • steal-my-scene
    May 15, 2008

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    I agree with the man below me. Short and sweet and oh so meaningful. I do like this poem very much. Good luck.


  • Karl Weiss - Topaz gold member
    May 12, 2008
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    Short and sweet, my best wishes in the contest.


  • BlackSwan
    May 12, 2008

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    Hmmmm. This piece fits very accurately to a love that I once had, and has a lot to do with this contest.

    short and sweet. good write.

    -Thank you for your entry, Angi Terese


  • endofgame123
    May 11, 2008

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    This is great. I think everbody's done something like this at some point, and you summed up that feeling very well in a short piece.


  • Rachel21
    May 10, 2008
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    i really like the poem a lot, its short, but its powerful


  • Butterfly24
    May 7, 2008

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    very nice and strong.. I keep you in my closet so no else can see... lovely pen. tanks for the entry


  • siddy jones
    April 23, 2008
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    great job. good luck in the contest


  • EmmaLuLu
    April 17, 2008
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    awww...


  • Celticmoon
    April 7, 2008

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    Alright,
    I don't like rhyme,
    but I do like this.
    I can relate to the words,
    the sentiment and the imagery.
    It's almost as if you snatched
    a little snippet from my thoughts.
    Thank you for entering!
    Best of Luck to you!


    Blessings
    Bel


  • I-Am-Custard
    March 19, 2008

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    I'm not sure what to make of this... It's just... too simple. It says too little, and leaves too much to the reader's interpretation. It also skirts around cliche slightly to closely for my liking and worst of all, ends with quite an obvious rhyme.
    Most of all it's impersonal. I want the feelings of the speaker in a poem like this, little examples of those pieces left behind... a broken wristwatch, lipstick smudged t-shirt... things like that to suggest things about the person who's now gone.
    This strikes me as the beginning concept for a poem, not the final piece. Feel free to edit until the closing date.


  • marciakay81
    March 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    i really like this.

1 - 24 of 24