She made me feel as if I was daft,
with smoldering eyes and sarcastic laugh.
That ever knowing backward glance,
to keep me on my toes to dance.
To her tune only was the game,
she made me feel I had all to gain.
But now I know t'was just a ruse,
she had a minuscule fuse.
To all who glanced upon her face,
she looked serene...no hair out of place!
Behind the scenes a different pose,
she left me raw and quite exposed...
But truth be told we are the same,
we even carry the chosen name.
My worse critique she stands and knows
that she and I together... grows.
Without each other nothing works,
her taunts and gibes forever hurt.
But I am strong when she stands tall,
when things go right I'm no longer small.
She is my shadow and I am hers,
we jangle each others sensitive nerves.
I am her boss and she is mine,
until another...warp in time.
Author notes
~~~
A contest entry
- 20 Funny Rhymer II--"Boss Complaints" by BuriedTreasures.
900 points, ended March 18, 2008, 14 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
-
oh how fantastic is this!! as i was reading it kind of brought myself to mind in some of the things you wrote, not sure i like that.lol
-
Grats on your bronze! I like this one!
-
-
Many thanks
-
-
Excellent, but needs editing!!
This is an excellent and well versed composition!
However, The line limit exceeds the 30 line maximum limit.
I never disqualify anyone, but I strongly suggest that you edit the line structure to the 30 line maximum
to qualify for a possible award!
For example, Edit lines as follows:
Change: "She made me feel
as I was daft
with smoldering eyes
and sarcastic laugh"
To: "She made me feel as I was daft
with smoldering eyes and sarcastic laugh."
This type of line structure would bring you down to the line limit allowable!
Great poem and best of luck in the contest!
-
-
Thank you for your kindness. I have changed the format and hope it now comes in line with the rules.
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 5 of 5
