Dew on the morning crust.
Hearts beat, as grass floats
in the air of trees,
gleaming to the forest.
Fluttering around my heart,
blue butterflies, dance birds call.
Fall my child, feel the glory,
rise, from feet to golden hair.
To stand the time, of testing marvels.
As the tree to be searched for, intimately.
To see my beauty within.
Know the words unspoken.
Give for giving.
Know for knowing.
Breathe for loving me.
Author notes
photo credit: "Cathedrals of the Forest" by Stephanie Pui-Mun Law
In a list
A contest entry
- In Cathedrals of the Forest...A 24hr Theme of Solitude & Grace by Blue Rew.
897 points, ended March 22, 2008, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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This was beautiful! It captured me in a delightfully shimmering tale of the earth and the beauty it beholds! The first line I must say, was probably my favorite!
"Dew on the morning crust."
Captivating, yes it was. This sucked me in and held my interest the whole way through. And I absolutely love the imaginary and the way you worded this.
Great write! I hope to read more from you.
-Keni
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Honestly, your first line gave me delightful pause. Is the "morning crust" remains of the previous evening's meal, not well stowed and now damp with dew? Is the crust metaphor for night, about to be broken to reveal the dawn? Is the morning crust the border between sleep and consciousness, about to break with waking? It was my favorite line in the poem!
I struggled unsuccessfully to find a familiar context for floating grass. Possibly 'flowing' or 'bowing' might work? Did you intend the comma to go after 'butterflies' or after 'dance'?
Nice conclusion, "Breathe for loving me", as we are indebted to trees for our oxygen!
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morning crust, was earth itself. for all of life to exist upon. floating grass was a metaphor for the smells that arise, smelling the fresh morning
the comma was intended to show the emotional feeling associated with butterflies within,and that they dance erratically to natures call.
i hope my explainations have helped decipher meaning. thanks for reading
jezz -
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Thank you, jezz, for the insights into your poem! Much appreciated
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Awsome!
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thank you very much, your comments are much appreciated
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just wondering. am i in ur ignore list?
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nah i dont have anyone in my ignore list, all are welcome in my eyes
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REALLY FELT UR EMOTIONS X X X
KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK X (Y)
NUFF LUV X
XGAWJESHWUNX
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thanks babe, means a lot for feelings to be reciprocated
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hey
that was beautiful
i loved it
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Really Good
Hi
This poem is really good. I like it alot. I like how you seem to be speaking from your heart. Keep up the good work
Always Around
WriteItLikeItIs
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I felt the second stanza held the most impact
for me...especially "Fall my child, feel the glory"
where your words weave in both quote and image.
I also feel the ending could make more of an impact
if it did not repeat 'me' and if it held a few
more words instead of dwindling. "Give for giving.
Know for knowing" seems to insinuate a certain
wisdom coming at the end or maybe an echo of that
earlier "glory". Lovely feeling throughout this read.
Blue
PS- "in the air, of trees" does not require a comma for pause unless you meant "in the air, above the trees"?? -
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see if you like the finish a bit better on this one
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