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Sunday's come with Stones and Fish

 

 

 

I have often been found

swimming

alone in a deep pool

or pond

missing other fish

and gills flapping

with lack of oxygen


 

A bubble to burst

in the plop and skim

of a stone

thrown from over the ridge

hitting high and low notes

together

they crash

from shores opposite

when company is composite

of time and motion


 

News of your lost death

did worry my simple mind

you arose

like a drunken lazarus

throwing off  your rags

and shackles


 

left your chattels

by the edge

of this murky pond

you dived in

came up

gasping for air

and forgiveness


 

-  I gave

smiled

swam around

attention span

of a goldfish


 

just

for a moment


 

remember

the shuffles

of ressurection

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

 

Author notes

for a furry friend - he knows who he is

In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 17 of 17

  • Saffron gold member
    March 30, 2008

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    Straight away, I have to tell you that I adore the title of this—right off I knew I wanted to read what followed. To me, the title is just as important as anything written under it. I also loved the attention you gave to the description of swimming alone, and I am surmising that there is much metaphor in this that would not readily be captured by a simple bystander. Still, I feel the resolve of being alone, and waiting for the ripple of the water above as a sign that something/someone is there.

    Thank you so very much for composing this wonderful piece for this contest, and for sharing your talent with me.


    Saffron


  • Emerald13
    March 24, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    enjoyed very much .. great title ! and in catching up with reading you are doing days of the week ? (Loved the thought of just another day with the letter y - hello ??? ... this poem has a great tone for me ... lovely sounds and movement in this >>> Gina


  • windhover3 gold member
    March 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i really like the quick-finned imagery of this, the splashes and echoes. The motifs worked well generally for me, even though I suspect there's some immediate association. Comes off swimmingly.

    stupid aside: I learned "chattel" as both singular and plural, and being american it has a strong connotation of slaves, both of which made the line come off a little funny to me. It emerges from the reflections well, however.


  • Heath Thompson
    March 19, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Hi, really like this - great title and especially love the penultimate stanza

  • Yvette Champ gold member
    March 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Excellent, the Poetess places herself within the scene where things aren't going swimmingly and so, so subtly she becomes breathless, reduced to lower case skimming of the pond , seeking air to artfully breath with ease within the lack of oxygen that reduces Gills to gills. This is as neat as the the seams steam ironed onto a pleated skirt.

  • Suzanne Dia
    March 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    *hug*


  • voices
    March 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    .


  • cvillelisa
    March 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply


    I thought he was dead too.
    Fuzzy fucker.




  • AJ Morelli gold member
    March 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    boy have you been prolific lately, another wonderful write, great use of the contest theme Gil...

    best of luck


    al


  • Cherokee
    March 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow. I wish my contests produced this brand of poetry. Then again, how will she judge these? This is such a breath of fresh air... no fishy pun intended.


  • Nicolette gold member
    March 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is lovely stuff, Gilly... I always knew you could breathe underwater, my friend but mostly give both "air and forgiveness" - you are in the "ressurection" business too, you know.

    I'm sure your friend will love this - also the shuffles. I especially loved the opening stanza and those last lines were wonderful!



    ~ Nicolette


  • Ariosto II. gold member
    March 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Oh for the life of a goldfish...unless one has more than a reptile brain.
    You seem like one smart and sensitive guppy in this pond Gil, allseeing in fact.

    smart fish
    don't get caught
    beware of bottom feefers

    ;-)


  • layla.
    March 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    the ending stanzas are just wonderful.


  • Rowan gold member
    March 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    "- I gave

    smiled

    swam around

    attention span

    of a goldfish




    just

    for a moment"

    That is so me. lol. This is the first poem I've read this morning, after reading a very lengthy theory on poetry which made my brain swell.. ouch. So I needed this. Very nicely done, and you are the shiniest fish in the pond hon.


  • Dalaney gold member
    March 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Just had to start my Sunday off with a good read so came here and was not disappointed. Thank you. Love, Lane


  • Wandika gold member
    March 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    I fished that pond for awhile

    Now enjoy what is available in this puddle before the long dry spell awaiting us all.


  • misselaineous
    March 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    gills or Gills? i love the contradictions that simple thought held and know how clever you really truly are my sweet poetess - it made me smile

    a lovely Palm sunday poem

    i am writing about redemption - not for on here and the word resurrection seemed so right - it is funny how all the little subconscious bits ooze into our words


1 - 17 of 17