Frost snapping underfoot
crystals exploding into white clouds
as I kick my way across the frozen fields.
Billy, pounding next to me,
searching for rabbits in the snow,
ploughs on regardless, a wagging tail in the frozen waist.
The distance brings into sight the frozen lake
my mind returns...as always...to you.
A beauty so fair, so elegant,
mine a jealousy too fierce.
I wanted to own you
posses you, keep you from life,
only to lose you forever,
in the moment I needed you most.
I reach the lake as my tears well
Billy, finds a lone bird and disappears.
Crouching on the bank, I cradle my face,
I am sorry for the hurt, the pain, the wasted hours.
Tears flow freely through my fingers
escaping my grasp, fussing with the ice.
I stare down and you are looking up,
an Angel smiling, speaking silent words.
Even in my own reflection only you do I see;
my frozen world vanishes and warmth returns.
My vision blurs as salt stings my eyes;
the cold, cold wind blows through my heart,
tearing me to pieces, leaving me hollow and alone.
Billy's cold nose brings me back to life,
his eyes staring into mine, he licks my hand,
offers his support and leans into me, knocking me down.
We roll in the snow, him barking, me laughing,
for a second you are gone, just a second, then the emptiness returns.
The thoughts of an empty home haunt my return,
the long walk alone without you here,
the snow seems colder, the wind more bitter
my heart frozen, my soul in tatters.
My faithful Billy, keeping pace, my company,
my friend, my comrade on quiet loveless nights.
I miss your touch, your warmth, your voice
the tears well again as I reach the car and head home.
Author notes
1. Name [Real & User] Simon - fallen comrade
2. Age 42
3. Amount of Poetic Experience 2 months
4. Typical/Strongest Style ?
5. Unusual/Weakest Style ?
6. Favorite Type of Inspiration Love/hate/pain/blood
7. Amount of Multiround Experience 1
8. Some Accomplishments plenty of trophies
9. One Fact I Don’t Know About You Life changes
10. Additional Comments You’d Like Me To Read Bring on the challange
A contest entry
- Ultimate Poet - Auditions by xxRainbowDawnxx.
300 points, ended March 24, 2008, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - project poetry season one [prewrite & fresh auditions] by blackday.
600 points, ended March 27, 2008, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - LOOKING FOR NEW FAVORITES!!! by Auburn Sunrise.
600 points, ended March 25, 2008, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Quote Prompt by Perfectly Imperfect.
300 points, ended April 1, 2008, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Whatever you like...
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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This is a beautiful and sad piece of writing. Love the expression and the imagery is great. Well done and thank you for entering x
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I really liked it
I skimmed some past comments and I dont really see how it is like the Robert Frost poem, Robert Frost is an excellent poet, but his Stopping by the woods poem didnt have this pain, or remembering, it was more an observation and a couple thought this was about love and loss and mistakes and regrets...sorry to ramble on in your comment, anyway I thought it was really well written, and had great imagery and feeling
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A very sad story filled with amazing images; like watching a flickering home movie. I could see Billy bounding across the icy ground and his master walking with shoulders slumped, a sad and lonely man.
I look forward to meeting up in the first round of Ultimate Poet.
Margaret
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I both agree and disagree with the previous comments.
First of all, when is being likened to Robert Frost a bad thing? LOL!
I actually find your poem much better than Frost's, though. Frost spoke with a language of utter simplicity (with layers of deeper meaning hidden underneath - though he denied it).
Your poem, however, has a different sort of bare, brutal truth to it - quite exquisitely shrouded in imagery.
A fellow poet and friend once commented that my darker poems had "the feeling of an exposed nerve" - I took that as an amazing compliment, and I'll have to say the same about your poem - it ached in the strangest of ways. It got right under my skin and struck me where it hurt the most.
It speaks of childhood friends long gone, of faithful comrades fallen behind, of first loves lost to time... though there is obviously a personal story behind this somehow, anyone could connect to it and identify with it - for we all feel the bitter sting of loss at one time or another.
Brilliant write!
You are being added to my favorites!!!
Thanks for entering and good luck! -
Well, I read ahead, and I have to say I see no comparison to Robert Frost's poem except the name. This is deep, emotional, and definitely haunting. I can feel the pain.
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It's hard to say how I feel about this poem. It wasn't terrible by any means, but it just didn't stand out to me.
For example, the only thing I could think about as I read this poem was Robert Frost. Maybe you have read this poem before, maybe not, but you can see what I mean.
http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/stopping-by-woods-on-a-snowy-evening-2/
It's very much like it. I just, I didn't see anything extraordinary in your write. Feel free to enter again or revise. :]
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Ok so I read then Robert Frost and I see no similarity here and would not compare.
Sorry just don't get what you are on about..
But if you want to cmpare a two month old poet with a great writer like Robert Frost, then that is fine with me...LOL
And I wasn't going for extrodinary I was going for "...I was walking my dog..Billy and this happened..." Use it don't use it ... Don't care...LOL
Simon
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Excellent write Very Deep and your words speak volumes. I can feel the emotions well in this niaish for sharing
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Oh my...
Could I feel, and was I move all the more to wonder... What could have brought you... to this quiet haunting in the frost...
Oh my...
I absolutely love this poem...
Heart felt and given in truth and totally compelling and full of love and raw passion...
God bless you dear heart... God bless you...
~ James ~
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this is wonderfully sad and filled with gorgeous imagery.I honestly expected to see a gold or at least a silver next to it. If it were in one of my contests it would have. This is a gem and you should be very proud.
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This is absolutely striking!
The imagery and emotion is so raw and beautiful, just like ice.
Best wishes.
Síochán leat
~Mairéad~
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This is great! a most excellent write, all the best
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A well written story. Thank you for your entry. Peace, Liz
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While reading, I felt such compassion for the man. You are able to evoke so much emotion, that I can feel your pain through your words. Such brilliant imagery here. I'm also sorry you got your heart broken. I know the intense pain of that! If you really want to participate in this, may I make a few suggestions. Your rhythm and flow is perfect. The only thin I found was a myriad of misspelled words. If you correct them you really stand a good chance.
The Title: "Haunting"
De=cap ""White"
De-cap "Rabbits"
De-cap "Ploughs"
Second stanza "to" is "too"---"posses is "posess"---comma after life
"need should be "needed"
Third stanza: "reflexion" is "reflection"---semicolon after "see" and De-cap "My"
Fourth stanza: semicolon after "eyes"
Last Stanza: "fiend" is "friend.
Please edit this right away. Your poem is EXCELLENT!
Best wishes!
Shana
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Thanks Shana
Well the hell my mind was I don't know.....thanks no really thanks...I want this to work...
Simon
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There is such beauty in your words my friend that I would want to read your poem again and again. I am no expert on free verse so I will leave the comments to those who can benefit you by thier knowledge. Just one thing in the title should read "Haunting"
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Such a beautifully descriptive write my friend. You could see the whole thing in your minds eye, the cold of nature, the inner heartache, the warm pal at your side. Excellent.
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What a lovely presentation you have created on this page - wonderful side bar images and lovely poem as well. Great interpretation of the prompt. Think you mean friend in that second last line. Very expressive piece, sentiments well expressed in these lines.
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My Brother,
What a great read this one is!! The story in this one, touches one's heart deep. Great job on this one!!
Best of luck in this contest!
Nevermore~
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This is amazingly beautifully. You have made this piece come to life and I am absolutely speechless.
Good luck in your contest!
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this is so beautifully written and I love the way that I almost felt trapped and stuck within your words. this is amazing
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This is so amazing. I felt trapped in this poem. It just makes me speechless. You clearly expressed your emotions. As if this was your last write you would ever write. It's just amazing
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