Falling like tears
Burns to the touch
as the acid eats
away your skin
Atonement for the
pain you've caused
to the one who,
really gave a damn
The plague of your
sins is pouring
down and melting
away your heart
Floods of guilt
wash over you and
you try to stay
afloat with your
life preserver of
remorse, but it's
too late...
Now drown as the
black clouds deliver
your death sentence,
your severe punishment
pounds away at you,
my fallen tears are
like angry rain...
Author notes
option 2 number (23) Angry Rain
A contest entry
- Heaps of Options!! by NooNiThEWitcH.
430 points, ended June 8, 2008, 32 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
Good job!
Love it!
Really good poem! Pain, emotion, imagery and my title! Great job!
However, I do think your lines end abruptly in certain parts, like here:
"afloat with your
life preserver of
remorse, but it's
too late..."
Naturally, I pause at the end of a line so here it sounds a bit weird.. but otherwise I really liked your poem!
Thank you so much for entering this in my contest. I'll check out your other poem now and hope you enter a third time!
Nooni
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