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Serpant Rose

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Deceitful in every way
So charming and pleasing
to the eye, but don't let
the good looks fool you

Poisonous petals, will
take your life and leave
you lying at the rusted
cemetery gates, as the
grim reaper sifts through
your corpse, she has done
his immortal bidding

No sounds of remorse or
apologies, as the epitaph
states, here lies another
poor soul, who thought he
was the one...he was wrong
...dead wrong...

As the victim lies in the
sealed casket, his heart
oozes her venomous gift
of passionate torment




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A contest entry

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Comments


  • Demington
    March 24, 2008

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    A great example of how to enjamb some of your lines and use twisting, chaotic diction to create an emotional appeal to the reader. I enjoyed it very much and would only suggest that you treat your poem to its greatest honor...read it aloud. This will help you understand the sound of it and discover any akward phrasing.

    The second grouping of lines is perhaps the strongest, with the Grim Reaper sifting through your corpse. That was just wonderfully done!

    Blessings,

    C


  • PrabhuDayal Khattar silver member
    March 16, 2008

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    sometimes we can sketch the truths of life which are truely very painful but one can't do anything except to narrate it and feel it from the bottom of the heart..you did a wonderful job to make us to know the sentiments of your experience..yes we too can relate with it..well done...