Musical Madness
Another long note echoes through the land,
coming from the skeleton marching band.
Their eyes unseeing, their hands unsteady,
corpses wait for the director's ready.
A ghoulish soldier solos on his trumpet;
decayed lungs bleat like a wild strumpet.
TAPS revels through cold air, demonic night,
as Hell's marching band strides into eyesight.
Another soul has made a grand entrance
into the land of 'absolute no chance.'
Satan’s drummers play bones on dried skin,
setting beat for " Sinners come marching in."
The devil, dressed in his finest red,
leads band of damned in songs of the dead.
As new soul gets lost to the fiery beat
and dances to the madness of the heat.
A contest entry
- inspiration en masse. by unraveled.
800 points, ended March 18, 2008, 9 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Criticize freely, I need input to improve
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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first of all congrats on the award
second this was a fantastic poem! i love dark poems about ghosts i love paranormal studies as well you did a great job of describing the perfect situation and place to be haunted! keep up the penning!!
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Thanks for wonderful critique
I love to play with the dark and the mysterious. The things that I have experienced make me believe in the 'infinite worlds of maybe.' So, if you want to. Share with me your experiences.
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Congrats on the HM!
I love this! Such a creative idea! *kicks self for never thinking of it* Deaths marching band, now that would be a sight worth seeing. You descriptions are awesome, really painted a gorgeous and graphic picture as I read. A superb poem...bravo!
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Thank you for a laugh
You do a great job of making me laugh. Today, I need a new laugh.
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Interesting and great scenic description, the rhyming is fairly good although there are a few places which could be improved. Non-seeing is probably better as unseeing. The trumpet-strumpet rhyme doesn't have the best meter, for an immediate improvement I'd put a semicolon after trumpet and take out the as. Also, the 3rd line in that stanza might read better as "through the cold air of the night" because dark is kind of a useless adjective since it is -night-
However, I did really like this (as you can see by my 3 applause). The imagery is creative and not overly grotesque which could kill the tribal sort of theme I see here. Basically- the whole poem is good, but the 2nd stanza is weak. Thanks for the entry, feel free to edit.
-cassidy
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That was an xact critique
I will do surgery to attempt to save the patient. His internal bleeding may be too much. Alas, poor Yorick, I knew him well.
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