Stuck With the Cutting Thought!

How do you begin to stay your mind,
Away from the razor, away from that other time,
When it was ok to rid yourself of this pain,
You try to think of other things but they are all the same,
They all lead back to that sweet release,
And then you think of that calming peace,
That comes each time the blade penetrates your skin,
The feeling of blood coming from within,
Bleeding out your pain and sin,
Releasing the anger built up inside,
It sure didn't help when you cried and cried,
And then you remember the horrible things that were said,

When they all just stood and shook their heads,

At what you had become, what the pain had made you do,

But you havent found another thing that works too,

When the pain becomes to much to bear,

And you want to scream and rip out your hair,

And nothing helps, and no one cares,

They just tell you to grow up and stare,

At the monster you've become,

Talking very soft and slow just like your dumb,

Telling you that you'll be just fine,

No one honestly having the time,

Which leaves you to think about the pain some more,

And then they wonder why you hide behind the door,

Somedays you really wish they could see through the mask,

That they could see the pain and take the time to ask,

Maybe someday someone will see through the act,

And treat you with some respect and tact,

Maybe even help you out, take the time to see the issue,

Not just ignore it and hand you a tissue,

Why dont they notice the hand straying towards the blade,

Why do they think all their debts have been paid,

For all the times help was needed by them,

And there you were, just like their own mother hen,

You were always there for them,

No matter how badly people condemned,

And yet they still dont care about the razor,

They see past you like their eyes are laser,

Like you dont exist in their minds anymore,

They cant possible remember the things you did for them before,

A couple times you actually get up,

Walk towards the blade inside the cup,

Then force yourself to sit back down,

The whole time feeling you might drown,

In all the pain that runs so deep,

You cant find the beginning and your on the brink,

It hurts to breath, your so tempted to cut,

But you just sit and die a little more, with the door shut,

To keep the world from seeing the true pain,

That makes you feel like nothing is gained,

How much longer can you stop yourself,

Before the pain implodes upon itself!!