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Outlook

I can feel you there with me
Tormenting me agonizing and slow
When will you stop, please stop
Farther I stoop down, unable to grow

How far will you push me before
Something gives way, crashes through
Surely its not you who I adore
To you I have nothing left to say

I dare you, try me, see what happens
Just take that one step and feel
All the pain you gave me when I
Rip you apart and before me you kneel

If you think I'm just kidding
You have a true problem indeed
I will not hesitate, it is my
Mantra and I will make you bleed

I will inflict upon you all that pain
And suffering that you kindly shared
In the end, know this: both of us
Will hurt, neither will be spared

I reach out and touch the mirror
The face stares back at me, bleak
I then notice the face move,
Contorting into a silent shriek

Author notes

Opt. 3

Sometimes your greatest obstacle, your worst enemy is yourself...

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 12 of 12

  • Venus25
    September 9, 2008

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    What a twist!

    When i reading this, I was trying to work out who you were talking about. I would never have guessed the twist!

    Good luck!


  • Bailey Girl
    September 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love the poem, and the ending is just great!

    "I will inflict upon you all that pain
    And suffering that you kindly shared
    In the end, know this: both of us
    Will hurt, neither will be spared"

    That's my favorite part.


  • Moonlight Complex
    August 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Really love the concept of this. I was not expecting the ending which only made it all the more powerful. You are right in saying that sometimes our biggest obstacle is ourselves. Wonderful write and great imagery.
    Good luck.


  • Chocoholic156
    April 13, 2008

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    I love this poem, because the ending really ties it together. the end can either break a poem or make it. I can really feel the suffering throughout this entire thing, it is really interesting.


  • jamiedoring
    March 31, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Nice write. OBVIOUSLY a fantastic ending!

    Im loving the rhyme and the flow. This is a GREAT write and I thank you for the entry.


  • MrsJones
    March 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Interesting write, certainly an interesting take on the end of a relationship, and I have definitly been there before. Thanks for entering and best of luck.


  • delightfulmess silver member
    March 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Great entry in the contest.
    Best of luck to you


    Delila


  • BluRosePoet8488
    March 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    The last stanza brings it all into focus. Well done. I wouldn't have guessed either that you were talking about yourself.
    You are your worst enemy. I have heard this all my life and it's true.
    The one thing I would change is 2nd line of the 1st stanza... Tormenting me agonizing and slow. I suggest you try... Tormenting me agonizingly slow. It sounds better.
    Good luck and keep the ink flowing. love and hugs...
    ~Donna~


  • NickelleteXninja
    March 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i really liked the last stanza. If I wouldnt have read your authors note first I would have never knew you were talking about yourslef.

    I can see the way you feel, and you are very right that you are your worst enemy.

    This was a very beautiful poem and I really enjoyed reading it.

    I like how you made the 2nd and 4th line of each stanza rhyme.

    Now the only thing that I didnt like is that in the first stanza you had the 3rd and 4th line their own sentence. but In the rest the 3rd and 4th lines seemed to go together to form the sentence or rather what was being said.

    That sounds confusing to me so if you dont understand let me know and I will try to explain better. lol

    thanks though, t really was beautiful. you definitely have a way with words

    thanks for entering and goodluck

    • maverik
      March 15, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      I appreciate that, thank you!
      In the last stanza, "I reach out and touch the mirror..." was meant to reflect me standing in front of a mirror fighting with myself.
      And no, it didn't sound confusing at all. So again, thanks!

1 - 12 of 12