butterflies in the sky
trickle trackles of the fountain
whispy wind through the leaves
last hours of bed
refreshing warm mist
a loving groundskeeper
trimming faithful trees
drinking his home brew
beside the hedge row
A contest entry
- March New Members contest by AP Greeters.
600 points, ended April 8, 2008, 64 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Open Door by SurelyWritten.
303 points, ended March 28, 2008, 14 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Welcome to AllPoetry!
Not too sure if this fits the contest critera but it is a very lovely poem. The beginning few lines were beautiful
I encourage you to keep writing to read and comment.
God Bless
Tammy
Site Greeter
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Okay...
I liked your alliteration at the beginning, but it soon became evident that your content was suffering from seemingly clever wording. You've taken out nearly all the verbs and just frontloaded all your modifiers, which makes for listing and ultimately boring poetry. The ending was just lame and trite. I was impressed by the second line, however, if you had used "trickle" as a verb. So, if you can get something going from that without starting to list again, I'd highly reccommend it. Also try to incorporate more imagery into the poem, as said, the second line was wonderful with it, but it went completely downhill from there. One more thing: punctuation. To me, punctuation is very important for the readability of a poem. Please learn your basics. -
Welcome to AllPoetry
This poem has a lot of imagery and word economy, which I appreciate greatly. I'm not sure I completely understand it, but that's okay, it's pretty nice anyway
Good luck in the contest.
~Diana -
I am asking that everyone in the contest send me a message or respond to my comment telling my why they chose the particular poem they entered, for my contest. Only contestants that do this will be eligible for winning when it comes time for judging.
Thanks for entering,
Shirley
(A more critical review may follow during judging, but no applauses will be given to any entry, even the ones that deserve them.) -
wonderful
well written and enjoyable, thanks and good luck -
This is perhaps the best example of your talent for writing, beautiful and stunning visual images. It is in the top three of my favorites from you. I read it over a few times after clicking the link... I adore this write babe. (Hope you win the contest.)
All my love,
S
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i could give two shits how it fits into the "contest criteria"
I just think its cool
oh yeah, blah blah blah.
peace.
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Welcome to Allpoetry
This has some very beautiful imagery in it but I also am not sure where it fits into the contest criteria.
Thanks so much for sharing
Gaylene
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Welcome to AllPoetry
This is a beautifully penned poem however I am unsure how this fits into the contest critiera
♥
Thank you for your entry
Best of luck
Stay safe
~Manda
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