My fingers shape your bones with marrow
from the family farm, sifting through the mass
to find the jigsaw to complete your structure.
I'll mold you in my image
and masturbate in your
womb-- our children
will be defunct and decrepit
with tar lungs and colon cancer
but better than we
who live forever but die
before our time.
Author notes
Old poem. Unsure of what to do with it. Just looking for others' advice.
A contest entry
- SHORT POEMS PART 2 by Blooming Poet.
700 points, ended March 23, 2008, 129 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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I think the stanzas could be shortened. Line breaks and etc. It was most certainly a punch to read the second stanza. I agree that the imagery is very stark and startling. I wish you the best with this.
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The imagery in this poem is stark and startling. Also, the transitions between images is discordant. I do think that some of the meaning behind the words is lost between the lines on this poem. Still, it was an enjoyable read.
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I agree with you. I wrote it nearly a year ago, and I'm not really sure what it means. I think it could be saved, though. Or perhaps used as inspiration for some new work.
Thank you for taking the time to comment.
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wow. so powerful and your word choice is off the wall amazing. I think you should come up with a more creative title, a title can make or break a poem, make it as creative as the poem. I'll mold you in my image and masturbate in your womb-- our children
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