Let me top my sundae with the cherry
of the cigarette you smoked before
you left me in the middle of an empty cornfield
in an indiana night. The stars winked at me,
tried to tickle me and make me smile. They stole
my tears to add light to the sky, but the tear-stars
exploded after introduction like fireworks,
sending patterned flames into the field.
I spent the night with a pack of
cigarettes and your first love letter
which I burned in the morning and sprinkled
across the broken heart visible only to those
flying home for christmas.
A contest entry
- SHORT POEMS PART 2 by Blooming Poet.
700 points, ended March 23, 2008, 129 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Hit me with EVERYTHING. PW OK! by z etoile.
375 points, ended March 28, 2008, 56 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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Oh I loved this.. and burning the love letter that is awesome! This shows a great view of a broken heart it was well penned great job keep writing!
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The connecttions of things in this poem is stunning, I love it. The first stanza really ddrew me in and made me say wow.
Let me top my sundae with the cherry
of the cigarette you smoked before
you left me in the middle of an empty cornfield
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Your metaphors are truly strong! Only one small typo I can see, second stanza, second line: should it read "make me smile"? Personally, I'm not comfortable with your breaks between stanzas, makes a stuttering effect and breaks up the flow of thought here and there in seemingly inappropriate places. I would even suggest the title to be 'Indiana night'...the locale gave me a real 'feel' for the distance you suggest with the endline: 'flying home for Christmas'. Incredibly emotive write. Well done. Peace, Rhonda
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